Mike Shinn

I don’t know if there is a Kalshi bet for TurboTax email password resets today. But if there is…take the over.

I’m not a fan of the “Celebrity Look Alike” game…

Her first course is titled: “How to get your lawyer off, so you can get off”

The NFL & WWE are both classified as “Sports Entertainment”… The Super Bowl is just Wrestlemania with Taylor Swift in attendance.

The first video I ever uploaded to TikTok during lockdown season in 2020…who knew how prophetic I’d be. RIP to the app I never really used.

Black Friday is whack now. I long for the days of mob scenes in stores, and Granny coming out of the pile with a black eye and a 52” TV.

Shout out to the people who are eating Thanksgiving alone because they wrote off all their friends and family over politics. Get use to being miserable & alone. #thanksgivingshoutouts

A Netflix special is not even a goal for me anymore after how bad they’re fucking up this boxing event. Embarrassing.

Just a quick reminder to please make everything about politics. Nothing else matters. Experiences with your friends should account for nothing, the only factor to consider is who they voted for. Remember - YOU see things clearly and they are ill-informed and stupid.

I had stage presence even back in 2008 in Baghdad. Happy Veterans Day to all my brother and sisters who served. Make sure you tip the waiter at Applebee’s.

This must be why my jokes do so well in Nevada…all the slowest people live here.

I think the problem was we didn’t have a strong 3rd party candidate this year…like Kanye.

If Draft Kings had a prop bet for Chiefs 4th Quarter comeback with a questionable call that somehow always benefits them, they’d go bankrupt.

The French Pole Vaulter is the story arc of most men’s lives: • I’m out here, I’m doing my best. • I’m starting to kill it in life, I’m about to win… • Oh shit, my dick is ruining everything! • Now everyone is laughing at me.

Onlyfans & stand up comedy is similar in the fact that if you still have a day job, then you’re not very good at it.

Olympic Sports and Presidential Canidates: Things we pretend to give a shit about every 4 years to make ourselves look better.

I started watching the Olympics last night…and then I realized I don’t give a shit about any of these sports like a normal person.

I moved to Las Vegas and I don’t drink, gamble or party…if it wasn’t for the hookers and drugs I’d have nothing to do in this town.

“Thank goodness I have my Chromebook.” Said no one ever until today.

Comedians in NY this weekend be like: “The Earthquake isn’t the only thing shaking up NYC this weekend…come watch me make waves on the stage at Chucklefuck’s! The laughs will be off the Richter Scale!” #cantrattleme #aintmyfault #crackemup