simon howard

@guy_owen ...except the individual who throws away the cling film box 😡

Nothing screams psychopath more than an individual who sets up a chopping board without blue roll or a towel underneath it to secure it......🤯

1% for NHS staff is all the government can afford, says recipient of eight pay rises in 10 years.

“Hey guess what, Mon, this is the last time we will ever go abroad because in about, ooh, two months there is going to be a pandemic and this show will be delayed for 18 months and St Lucia will be the last place we ever went... “ “Ha ha ha fuck off Giles”

I miss airports, and taxiing, take-off, landings, gin and tonic on board... #avgeek 😢

This might just be the funniest thing I’ve seen with regards to the #CapitolRiot

Word of the day from Finland = KALSARIKÄNNIT The feeling when you are going to get drunk home alone in your underwear – with no intention of going out.

If you missed today's daily briefing, this was the gist of it

When I was 17 I got myself into trouble trying to withdraw more than I had from the bank. I pretended my mum had sent a cheque. They wrote to her. I intercepted the letter and replied ‘for her’. They replied, I replied... Every lie grew another. I ended up looking like this 👇

'RITA ORA' is an anagram of 'PARTY' if you totally ignore the rules.

I just got My hand back. #RIPMaradona

Scientists & Government advisors be like.... #TuesdayThoughts #HospitalityJobs

You won't have to worry about my tweets when I'm president.

Matt Hancock announces all stable doors to be closed in 10 days' time.

@leemoney75 Couldn't get a table?

One important thing to remember today folks..... FUCK WETHERSPOONS!

For those who still don’t get it

@felloutofbed Wow, this makes me so happy. Makes us sound really good 😂Didn't know we had a published review. Also, didn't know Mickey Millmore worked for the NME!

@sim_howard look what Emma's just sent me 😍

@leemoney75 It's so true 😂😂😂😂