Skoosh

If you aren’t happy alone you you won’t be happy in a relationship, happiness comes from dropping out of college to become a nun

Had surgery 3 days ago and my Garmin watch definitely thinks I died

Instagram bios are just the email signatures of the new era

My most personally productive times are definitely when I’m at work and don’t want to be doing work stuff

Wraps are just sandwiches in cylindrical coordinates

For the low price of egregious college debt I can also get sleep debt !

Actually you’re allowed to make fun of physics majors, I just remembered I took a whole class on F=ma

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man with a CS degree and thus in possession of a good fortune, has no idea how to use it.

““what’s ur body count”” Zero bro look at me! you think I know how to count ???

Profile pics come and go but that cover photo is forever

Watched two strangers make out on an airplane #flyspirit

Overcoming imposter syndrome one stupid scientist voice at a time

Kicking off Independence Day by kissing Grainger Bob (liberating) #uiuc

Bro I’m literally friends with your dad on duolingo

Touched another goose today

“I don’t know what hurts more: LinkedIn, Handshake, or tinder” - Sam Guags

The trash goes out more than I do

You’re telling me you’ve never swigged DayQuil from the bottle?

Gauging the ideal amount of trauma to allude to in this scholarship application so people give me money

🚨🚨🚨TONIGHT🚨🚨🚨 potted meat presents: a sketch comedy show 🥩 7PM in english building room 160!

Living my life one free t shirt at a time