et als

my child, a mere 6 year old, has proposed we add the month of chillember, an entire month where we just chill. so my question for you ms. warren

@jeremybarcel0 @PleaseBeGneiss yeah slate is an asshole. probably doesn’t even know what a derecho is. idiot

my 3yo: coffee is lunch

nectarines > peaches imho

[slipping dj $5] pepperoni please

all conditioner is leave-in conditioner if you forget

@yeethyhaw :’)

@Keanu_OfficiaI Vomiting in solidarity

I just pulled a splinter wedged halfway under my fingernail in case anyone needs to vomit on their phone right now

It’s time to save the world, dudes! Keanu Reeves and Alex @Winter return in the all-new trailer for Bill & Ted Face the Music, available On Demand and in theaters September 1! 🎸⚡️ #BillAndTed3 #FaceTheMusic

@buttercreamdag1 oh shit

@CateSlean somebody kicked it so it ran away crying. Probably seeking support from Jupiter's moons

woke up this morning and the moon was gone what happened last night

7yo (watching hamilton): why don’t they just play rock paper scissors?

jeans is short for jean beans

heading to the basement anyone need a base

USA USA USA

why does minecraft music sound like a soap opera

@EzMacArt 🤷‍♂️

@CateSlean Why is he admitting that?

kid: I’m not tired [6 min later] kid: bitch I said

crazy to think the confederacy lasted only 4 years so almost as long as 2020

joke’s on them I don’t have either

@Lil_ol_kat 😂😳

@CateSlean My bad ... been on twitter too long. Thought that read something else 😂😂😂

my internal clock is like yo why’d u eat a clock