Jinkies

me: tell me where you want to eat gf: *spitting blood* fuck you

not now daddy, kitten is going to blow her shit smoove off

@ilyasloon I could write a dissertation about that slutty little tank top they put him in

no it’s fine I just didn’t expect to wake up to see verizon slutting out connor storrie

@urbanponds101 I love how frogs have no sense of personal space, just all up on each other all the time

In case you fancied a couple of minutes of

at this very moment

Sometimes I have bad mental health days (shoutout to passive suicide ideation) but then I look at my husband sleeping and think about how much I love him and things don’t feel so bad for those few minutes.

Meow Meow 😻 All three kittens are singing the same song together...!!

how many more years do I have to wait til Apple releases a ‘retro inspired’ iphone with a headphone jack

Can we invent a pad that doesn’t crinkle with every step? It sounds like I’m hiding a bag of chips in there

Why does it take me 4 clicks to turn on a sleep timer for a YouTube video? god I hate google’s insidious passion for making everything they touch The Worst.

@AlexBeyman @jakebrodes First in my generation to read ‘acornmaxxing burrowchads’. Incredible stuff

@jakebrodes Simply dig a burrow & hoard acorns. Raidercels are seething at acornmaxxing burrowchads

“whats your plan if society collapses? I think woods and just wait it out” relapse then blow my head off. Not doin The Road stuff sorry. My life was stupid when society functioned normally. Im not getting into gun fights over wet dog food. Just some heroin and eating a 9mm thanks

@BonsaiBroz The game is meant to be played for a long time. These people will be bored in a month because there’s nothing left to do. Like sorry I haven’t built New York City overnight I’m busy taking pictures of lil bellsprout sleeping. Take your time and play at your own pace

I have never felt more inferior IN MY LIFE than seeing people post their Pokotopia island with 5 star hotels w/ WiFi, the Taj Mahal, railroad systems Meanwhile my charmander lives in a pile of bushes and every other Pokemon is homeless

The year is 2032. AI drones shoot you in the street if you don’t reach your ad-watching quota of the day. A carrot is $42. Nintendo still doesn’t have cloud saves.

companies be like Sure everything is awful and overwhelming right now but have you considered increasing shareholder value?

Perfect shot of a red-billed oxpecker resting on the horn of a rhino. [📸 Zaheer Ali / _zaheerali]

Aragorn in this red shirt is not spoken about enough 😩

If you chop vegetables with love in your heart the microplastics from the cutting board can’t get to you

Do you think Panchi knows he is the only thread holding my sanity together

If we go on a date we’re getting appetizers bc that’s what my hors d’serve