Becca Marie, Esq.

I love all the horrible LA celebrities (Chris Pratt, Katy Perry, etc.) making pro-Caruso posts that are like The City Is Falling Apart and all they mean is that they have to occasionally see unhoused people from their limos, that's it

not now, sweetie, mommy’s signing up for a capital one credit card so she can get taylor swift tour tickets

I can't believe I'm going to be fighting to get Taylor Swift tour tickets against people who bullied me for loving Taylor Swift

@ everyone emailing me

@trixiemattel Fred

Very interested in pets with human names right now.

Let me get this straight. Gabby and Erich were apparently just exposed to COVID and still went and visited Erich’s TERMINALLY ILL FATHER? Did I get that fucking straight? #TheBachelorette

Statistically speaking, at least some of you have to be the 2023 Worst Lawyers in America

Can we please all agree that this experiment of giving a dumb TV host and shady real estate developer with no government knowledge, 6 bankruptcies, 68 charges of sexual assault, 7,300 lawsuits, and $1,000,000,000 in debt our nuclear secrets did not go well at all?

tell me I’m wrong #TheBachelorette #bachelorette

first they came for roger stone, and i said “great.” next, they came for alex jones and i said “good news.” then they came for donald trump and i said “this is also excellent”

went up to a hot girl to be like “where did you get your yoga pants they look so good” and she was like “amazon, i wouldn’t recommend them, they’re pretty bad quality, i just have a nice body” thank you for your transparency queen

Josh Hawley running away to a variety of soundtracks. Pt. 4: Sir Robin Theme from Monty Python + the Holy Grail

Folks.Let me be clear.The wealthy do not take out student loans. I’m now a professional with student loans and it’s bc I grew up in poverty and worked my way out.Nothing , including education was “handed”to me. Everyone deserves the opportunity to succeed without student debt

if i text you "🧙‍♀️" it means HER SISTER WAS A WITCH RIGHT? AND WHAT WAS HER SISTER? A PRINCESS, THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST BRO. YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG? AM I WRONG? SHE WORE A CROWN AND SHE CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE, DOUG. GROW UP BRO, GROW UP

if you’re still campaigning for Rachel Bloom to be cast in Funny Girl STAY IN LINE

Me explaining Beanie’s early departure and Lea Michele’s 13-year-long mission to star in Funny Girl to my boyfriend for the last 12 hours.