Smashbert

I’m not a woman—I’m a cart rolling down a hill with stuff falling off of it

tell me the truth is silk really made of worms

New worst fashion insult is: “oh, did you come straight from work?”

According to flashbacks the dead wife that motivates the main guy of any movie always loved having sex with her husband more than anything else. Number one passion of the deceased!!

i hate when songs pretend love isn’t scary

I would believe any play is a parody of a play if you told me

Please don’t forget that we have a very catchy theme song that @smashbert_ wrote & sang

You should listen to my podcast SORRY NEVER SEEN IT! Each week @chlocol @smashbert_ and I discuss a random episode of reality tv and give our very strong opinions about it! And follow us on Instagram (sorryneverseenit_thepod)

my question is: when are more things going to start having to do with me?

going to Italy next week and thinking: maybe a movie will happen to me while i’m there??

Ive got a real “need to pee” attitude about life

@aliciabeige LOL

can’t wait till i’m old enough that they make me a robot

hey i have an idea how about we ABORT THE COURT

today i woke up and thought, hey how about why not be stressed again like yesterday!

lol i can’t stop laughing at the internet !

“When I first heard about this project, and saw who was working on it and how important it was going to be, I just knew I had to get involved.” —my cat when I’m trying to feed my other cat

Oops, we made a podcast with a super catchy theme song @AshYEAH & @KatieMarovitch

there are way more freaky reasons to have kids than non-freaky reasons

I will not be observing April Fools’ Day, now or ever

Am i or am i not the only person in America brave enough to watch “Is It Cake?” on @netflix tonight instead of “the Oscars”?