Bryan Smith

Just a reminder, @guitarcenter is the absolute worst.

“I took like 5 of them.” -every stranger after taking a picture for you

@artiequitter Such an amazing appearance on @joerogan’s podcast. You looked amazing and full of life and have never been funnier! It made me so damn happy. Love you Artie. Keep it up!

Hell is a costume store.

Had a convo with a girl whose fly was noticeably down. I felt super awkward telling her. Now she’s just out there in the world like that. 😔

Just ate an ibuprofen sample from Costco for no other reason then it was there.

If I don’t hang out with @rossmahoney and @deftonesfreek at the same time soon I’m going to be very upset.

If I’m naked with a person, percentage chance of me doing dick helicopter: 100%

I love musicians that make me go "Holy shit you are bad as fuck" and then I just smile and dance the whole time. @louiscolemusic

I am constantly around spectacular human beings!

I feel bad for ppl that have to write parking tickets for a living. So what do you do? I bring people despair. :(

Hey guys! Check out my new podcast Hugs and Hugs with @meganblanchette! itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/hug…

Warren 2020

"I don't wanna play with any leaves at all." -my dad just now when presented with an artichoke

Poker players dress like shit.

It takes a real asshole to sit in his chair backwards. Unless he has a toothpick in his mouth. That's chill.

Kanye West would be a lot cooler if he was Jimi Hendrix.

Why is everything in Lake Worth sticky?

@billburr The way you hosted that thing tonight (you did) was incredible.

It's kind of bananas that Dana Carvey is 61 right?