Secretariatsoffspring

ROUND 1 ✅ Boston, please be classy my friends! I still love and respect you!!

I have things to say…but I can’t say them bc I blacked out #woke #gay #kamalaharris

I am a good person… buttttt Danny has other things to say he wants me to know that he has a tough time laying off the blow #inthesameboat #igetit

Just read thru my old tweets. I have a big day tomorrow. I’m bringing that same juice #fucktrinity

What’s the better album?? Teenage Dream - Katy Perry Graduation - Kanye West I can’t name a song from either album that I wouldn’t listen to

I want my pilot to be a white man, I want my surgeon to be an Asian man, I want my nurse to be a white woman, I want my barista to be a Mexican woman, and lastly, I want my Jersey mikes sandwich crafter to be a hood black guy starving bc ik he’s gonna make it good as he wants it

This whole earthquake thing was so predictable. Giant quake no doubt, but people calling for the tsunami to end all tsunamis was so cringe. NOTHING EVER HAPPENS. It was a lock that it would be chill.

I miss the St. Louis Rams

Miner from clash Royale lowkey looks like Magnus carlsen #clashroyale #clash #magnuscarlsen #chess

Christian Pulisic you are a TWINK!! We get the chance to fuck these Mexicans up in a final and u don’t wanna play?? Might as well send ICE to deport you!! Fuck man @realDonaldTrump

Top 3 utter woke nonsense: 3) stingy Dunkin employees - billion $ company just give me free cold foam. 2) Justin Trudeau - no explanation needed, total clown. 1) highway speed traps - what happened to watching out for the cops. Next generation won’t even know about it.

Truly curious who has more aura: Michael Caine as Alfred in the Dark Knight trilogy or Morgan Freeman as Lucien? Also begs a similar question: which actor in general has more aura? Simple answer says Morgan, but upon further consideration I think it’s way closer than you think.

Monday has always been perceived as this end-all-be-all “worst day of the week.” Which makes sense, in theory, until you experience a Monday with no looming responsibilities and a weekend kicker unprecedented to anything you’ve seen in recent memory. Then Monday is the best. 🍻🍷

After all these years, one of the mysteries of March madness is how Tru TV has been able to retain 1/4th of March madness coverage in the year 2025. Whichever intern suggested back in ‘02ish that they should snag some ncaa college hoops tourney coverage action should be rich.

Would u rather party with college Jay Cutler or 2015 frosted tips OBJ in the offseason? Fuck man… fuck.

Top guys to drink with 1) “we should get a bag” 2) guy who’s 9am just got cancelled for the next day 3) guy who is pretty solid at pool but not too much of a sweat 4) Johnny Manziel 5) The guy who keeps asking to shotgun but isn’t annoying about it 6) tate McRae 7) no play guy

Mount Rushmore of embarrassing Valentine’s Day story posts (for guys) 1. Doing a face mask with girlfriend 2. Embarrassing lying down on girlfriend’s shoulder selfie 3. Guy posting a really neat story collage of framed pictures (stick with one partially zoomed out photo bro)

Mock Draft of “words to get called at the bar that make you want to fight someone”: 1) Buddy 2) Lil Bro/Lil guy 3) Pal 4) Tough Guy 5) Beast (sarcastic)

Picture this: it’s Friday night in 2014 and ur a student at Texas A&M. You stumble out of one of ur favorite bars at 1am capping off the night early bc u gotta wake up at 9am to tailgate gameday tmr. All of a sudden you see Johnny Manziel, drunker than ever… u know ur gonna win.

I always want to tweet weird semi racist but also funny shit just in case I get famous that way I can be half cancelled and then defended thoroughly by people saying “I was young and dumb” #randomthoughts #JoshAllen