Squish

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Squish

@squishcomedy

publicity tweets from a sketch team at @packtheater as well as administrative updates from Fingerdale High School and Fingerdale City Hall

Los Angeles, CA Katılım Ekim 2017
188 Takip Edilen137 Takipçiler
Sara 🍓
Sara 🍓@Saraisnotfamous·
honk if you’re horny for Hodor!!! (???)
Sara 🍓 tweet media
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Squish
Squish@squishcomedy·
If you don’t want Downton Abbey spoilers, then stay the hell out of Fingerdale City Hall next week. Thanks, #TheMayor
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Sara 🍓
Sara 🍓@Saraisnotfamous·
in exciting personal news, I might be the first person in recorded human history to cry to Bloodhound Gang’s “The Bad Touch”
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Squish
Squish@squishcomedy·
I know it’s Saturday and nobody is working in Fingerdale City Hall, but if anyone is nearby, I accidentally locked myself in the secret basement teacup ride last night and could really use a hand getting out. I’m almost out of water. Thanks, #TheMayor
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Squish retweetledi
The Pack Theater
The Pack Theater@PackTheater·
Hey Squishy Squishy!! That's right everyone! Sunday Night is Sketch Night - and we got @squishcomedy coming to the stage at 8pm! Bring Your Own Paper Towels. #onlyatthepack
The Pack Theater tweet media
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Squish
Squish@squishcomedy·
Moving forward all renditions of the national anthem performed in Fingerdale must be done in the style of traditional Tuvan throat singing. Thanks, #TheMayor
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Squish
Squish@squishcomedy·
Hey @VoyageLAmag why haven’t you interviewed me, the Mayor of Fingerdale, yet? Seems like I would be a good get. I await your email. Thanks, #TheMayor
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Squish
Squish@squishcomedy·
Fingerdale High School Cafeteria Update: The sponges are for cleaning, not eating. Please stop eating our sponges.
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Squish
Squish@squishcomedy·
Fingerdale High School Cafeteria Update: Next week, all students will be required to recite a lyric from the new Tool album, Fear Inoculum, prior to purchasing their lunch. Please have the lyric picked out BEFORE reaching the front of the line.
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Squish
Squish@squishcomedy·
Effective immediately, Fingerdale’s official town bird is my cat, Mittens 🐈 Thanks, #TheMayor
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Squish
Squish@squishcomedy·
Excited to report that after a protracted battle in Fingerdale Superior Court, trains now have all the same legal rights as people! We did it! Thanks, #TheMayor
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Squish
Squish@squishcomedy·
Just to avoid any further confusion here in Fingerdale City Hall: The new trailer for the Joker movie *is* based on my life. The actual Joker movie *is not* based on my life. Thanks, #TheMayor
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Squish
Squish@squishcomedy·
I know what you mean. I was elected the mayor of Fingerdale based largely on my close, personal association with the grim reaper. He was a huge help at fundraising events like the one you described. Thanks, #TheMayor
Haymaker@haymakercomedy

Hey @squishcomedy have you ever been at a party and realized that even though you know everyone there, and they are all your friends, it just feels like the grim reaper is waiting for you? Like I hate the phrase to "kill time" like we are all racing for the grave anyway.

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Squish
Squish@squishcomedy·
@haymakercomedy The grim reaper often waits for me at parties, in exactly the manner you described, because we are close personal friends. I invite him to fundraising parties, in particular. He’s a hoot.
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Squish
Squish@squishcomedy·
@haymakercomedy This twitter account is run by the mayor of Fingerdale with occasional administrative updates from Fingerdale High School Cafeteria
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Squish
Squish@squishcomedy·
In light of Andrew Luck’s surprising retirement I would just like to remind the @Colts that, even after all these years behind the mayor’s desk in Fingerdale City Hall, I still have an absolute cannon arm. Thanks, #TheMayor
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Squish
Squish@squishcomedy·
Labor Day in Fingerdale is being moved up to Tuesday, August 27th due to scheduling conflicts. Thanks, #TheMayor
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Keşfet

@Saraisnotfamous @VoyageLAmag @andrea_ml @KelseyFGold @haymakercomedy @elonmusk @BarackObama @taylorswift13