god of wiping the floor

@MollieBoss This is the most smoothbrained comment I’ve seen in a while. You’re an embarrassment.

@WEP_UK Maybe women wouldn’t have to fight so hard for the crumbs they get if the official groups such as @WEP_UK , @fawcettsociety , @5050Parliament , weren’t undermining them at every turn by pretending any man can be a woman - just cos he feels like one.

My sister in Christ you have 3 seconds to give me that scrumptious morsel back or you’re off to the guillotine (spoiler alert)

So far in my chemistry classes I have learned that the portrait of Antoine Lavoisier looking like someone swiped a snack he was just about to bite into straight out of his hand is now my favourite painting

My toxic trait is scrambling in Air Force 1’s with my phone on 12% battery but if I didn’t do it I wouldn’t have found any mushrooms or saw this lovely view so 🤷‍♀️

@darkpaladin111 Absolutely painful!

@ssodatxt Someone yesterday showed ne texts about what train they had ti get When I pointed out the person told them the correct one They told me they didn't read English..... Then someone tapped their oyster card about 29 times and said my machine stole their money I feel ya gurl

This gotta be the funniest anime ever made 😭

*Everyone in the courtroom wondering what that whistling noise is* Me in the Jury stand with one working nostril

@t0mthefisherman Thanks! I think 🤣

@ssodatxt this is the most 'you' tweet I think I've ever seen...

My alocasia amazonica in literally any conditions

@isopropyloceans Just take him!

@PuffyDiddly aye a huv

Fallen in love with the Scottish Highlands, mainly because of the amazing lichen! (Pics in order Cladonia Fimbriata, Lobaria Pulmonaria, Peltigera Membranacea)

Me going out in public

If a guy says his ex girlfriend is crazy what he really means is he’s still talking to her and liking her Instagram posts

tfw no sleep schedule😵‍💫

@thezacharymike Feet pics on main?!

Y’all like feet pics?

@Harrie__ I like that one. My exact words were please send the physical evidence you have to back up your accusations. She has not replied 🤣

Shout out to my flatmate with 2 law degrees who gave me this power

@Harrie__ This caught me off guard 🤣😭

I can’t sleep at night since an American guest asked me what flavour a gin was and I said rhubarb and he said “what’s a rhubarb?”