Phillip T Stephens

A showdown between the world's most clueless detective and most sophisticated AI. The worlds first novel for Twitter, now revised and on sale in pocket paperback. amazon.com/dp/1732997306 #fiction #NOIR #scifi #darkhumor #humor #TweetNovel

Drumpf Cancels April Fools’ Day "No one is as funny as me anyway." #DonaldTrump #AprilFoolsFlashback #Humor #Satire medium.com/the-haven/drum…

#MAGA #DonaldTrump #Jesus #ChristianRight #Hypocrisy

How to keep our children Christian. It's easier than you think. #MAGA #Religion #Christianity #Schools #FirstAmendment

Donald Drumpf Cancels April Fools' Too many jokes about him on jesters' celebration #FakeNews #DonaldTrump #aprilfoolsdaycanceled #AprilFools #SCOTUS medium.com/the-haven/drum…

I've added a few drawings to my website tomgauld.com/art-for-sale

Imhotep’s sarcophagus opened. The archeologist lowered the lid into the dust on the floor. When he stood, Imhotep strangled him and let his limp body slide to the floor. He sniffed under his arms and gagged. Six goddam movies and Universal still wouldn’t provide new wrappings.

The extra playing the farmer stumbled into the closet with the invisible man. “Aren’t you in the other room?” “They film a take without me, then shoot me and superimpose.” When asked why he was still naked, the invisible man replied, “It’s called method acting and it sucks.”

Esmerelda rushed to the dock when Julie screamed. The creature swam away in the distance. Julie lifted her skirt. “He was going to rape me but he said it smelled like fish.” Esmerelda said, “You’re lucky. Imagine doing it with a sexist bastard like that. Men are such monsters.”

Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are recycled from Tweets Donald Trump discarded because they were too over the top. Even for him.

After weeks of resistance, the Bride of Frankenstein consented to consummate their marriage. The monster lifted her skirt and discovered her vagina had been sewn shut. The doctor admitted, “I wasn’t ready for you to procreate. And it doesn’t matter. I never repaired your ED.”

Frankenstein’s monster, the Wolfman, and Dracula stumbled into a patch of mushrooms. Later, Wolfman wondered why there weren’t more colors than black and white—like red. Dracula wondered why there wasn’t real blood in their films. Wolfman said, “If it were real, it’d be red.”

Advantage to writing a #TwtStory No. 10: Generates ideas for longer, publishable stories. Join me with 270 character stories using the x/bsky neutral tag #TwtStory #AmWriting #writers #write #MicroFiction #fictionwriter #writerswednesday

Just the way you are #DonaldTrump #MAGA #LBGTQ #TransRights #Transgender #Hypocrisy #Diversity

Doublemint Gumshoe

Somebody didn't read his Bible carefully. (Matthew 7:21-23) #DonaldTrump #MAGA #Christianity #ChristianRight #Jesus

What were you saying about critical race theory? #DonaldTrump #MAGA #ChristianNationalism #CivilRights #Justice

#MAGA #DonaldTrump #ChristianRIght #Prayer

Bob hated nature walks. Both the walking and nature. “It’s so damned hot,” he whined. Sue said, “Stop complaining, Bob, It’s a bright, sunny day.” “So bright the grass is on fire and the trees are melting?” “That would be the alien magnifying glass in front of the sun.” #TwtS

Jan was afraid to pet the wolf cub at the petting zoo. “Don’t they bite?” The guide said, “Nothing to worry about. Their bark is worse than their bite.” She pulled her hand back, her fingers shredded and bloody. “Their bark’s worse than this?” “You should hear their bark.” #Tw

Karen dreaded her camping trip with boyfriend Mark. She was a city girl, never imagined leaving it. While hiking through the trees she said, “Snakes scare me.” “Don’t worry. They’re more scared of you.” A rattlesnake drop from a limb and bit her. “Except those snakes.” #TwtSto