Funny tweets

What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet..

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome..

You're too good for you..

Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.

If Facebook Was Real me: cool shirt Brian Brian: thanks [hours later, a knock at my door] me: um yes? Brian's Mom: I also like that shirt

If you worried about falling off the bike, you'd never get on.

The stunt team were great on 'Defiance.' They were there, every day..

Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear..

I am the poet of the high wire - I never do stunts; I do theatrical performances..

I’ll just pretend what you said didn’t hurt.