thinair

'in a forest pitch dark glowed the tiniest spark it burst into flame like me, like me' -an icelandic goddess

@phoebe_bridgers now you don't drive

Holy shit, the craziest thing about these Oscars nominations is that Flint still doesn't have clean water

you make me want to be a better agoraphobic.

@WineMummy @patnspankme

Blah, blah, blah, fuck off.

@raging_liberal2 @RiotGrlErin

Is better to say “perform fellatio” or “suck cock”? I want to get this St. Valentines Day card just right.

i once joined the 1/2 mile high club. no complaints. same end result for me.

Earth is that one area in the universe that everyone locks their door going past.

@SarcasticSadOne @AbleLikes

@kerouac741 @CArmanthegirl

My charm brings all the weirdos to the yard.

FYI, i screen my calls before they air. so calling in and saying the n word does nothing but provide me with the phone number of a racist piece of shit. if i were a dickhead i could post it all over the internet. im not. but you didnt know that before taking that risk.

@EmilyFluke2 @seamusmckracken a skull, a lighting bolt, and a flower chain.

If you had to go into a battle with only the items tattooed on you, would you survive? I’ve got a sword, a crossbow, and a needle.

@ThePocketJustin 'you belong tagging along and I belong in your zoo'

Went to Build-A-Bear and built a Millennial Bear. It’s got a little man bun, a taste for pink Radicchio, and when you pull its string it says, “OK, Boomer.”

If the general election debates are Bernie proposing obvious solutions while Trump calls him a crazy Venezuelan with 3 houses this is gonna be easier than I thought.

@RiotGrlErin if only.

Y’all Trump is malfunctioning I can’t understand..tolorided..you mean tolerated? He’s about to stroke out I think.