Ranger of the woods

Refer to the necrotic gnome for more information

Me working my minimum wage food service job: hi there! How are you doing today? The doordash driver with an order of 12 virgin souls:

Me: So not only do one of you say the truth, one says only lies, and the last says either randomly, but you both only say it in norp and zark, and I have. I clue which means yes and which means no? The utterly confusing trio of aliens:

Me: oh man I can’t hold it in! I gotta go! I guess going on the woods won’t hurt The weirdass creature interrupting my call to nature:

BREAKING: Tim Walz has been spotted hanging out with a "bad piggy" from the famous "Angry Birds" series of video games and movies. Does this man really have America's best interests at heart? Or does he just want to steal our precious eggs?

We don’t have this anymore. I gotta say the hard truth. We just don’t. And you wanna know why? Say it with me now, it’s because of woke.

*me talking with my work friend* Him: yeah my son has only been eating meatballs recently, we started calling him the meatball maniac *me trying to conjure a hyper dimensional meatball monster of pure evil* and you said his birthday was pretty soon?

President Biden has decided to end his re-election campaign to rest and focus on his pregnancy with two beautiful big green sons

Say hi to the green gooner everyone

I might be non binary Girls and guys are great, but I’ve always related more to this guy

Don’t feel like having skin anymore so I got rid of it

@woman_mage Not me Pretty sure they think I died in that Pegasus accident

WIZARD FACT: every wizard has a price on their head at the Guild of Assassins

This is my 7 year old son meethor he was just eaten by a carnivorous plant please send me love and support or a virgin soul to sacrifice

The source of my power is located in Reno Nevada, find it if you must. It looks like this

@wizardsextape I liked that but only a little bit

Better yet. If you could all reply to my posts and say "I liked this." That would be most excellent

Her: you gotta be John Biden drinking the mysterious potion if you think we’ll be casting hexes Me asf:

Should let you know my unabomber hut flooded and now I’m currently looking for a new place to stay if anyone is willing to let me sleep on their magic couch just lmk

Did you know the show dexter was based on my true story? Except the show took a lot of creative liberties and they made it less about me finding lizards and bugs off the ground and eating them

@EVILSKULLDUDE @wizardsextape

@supercoolranger @wizardsextape I AM THE SKELETON!!!

Have any of you seen my- NOOOO GET OUT OF HERE MARCUS I DONT WANT YOU HEREEEE

If you're seeing the news about Donald Trump's guilty verdict, you might be wondering: what does this mean for his campaign? What does it mean for the 2024 election? Luckily there is an easy answer to your questions! He will be fed to the Pit Beast 😥