Chris Peloso

Do you ever find yourself thinking that, in an infinite multiverse, there are an infinite # of songs that could be recorded, but that in this universe, The Humpty Dance is an absolute, undeniable thing that happened and will never not be part of your indelible history on Earth.

I mean 65 felonies.

As a defense attorney, let me say that I’ve never had a client walk into court to face 34 felonies and still expect to go home without spending a single night in jail.

I just read the #TrumpIndictment and I think it’s important to note that this wasn’t just random stuff. Some of these documents are so highly classified that even the markings saying how highly classified they are are themselves classified.

@junniechuparts m.youtube.com/watch?v=oyUKTx…

LOBOTOMY NOW

@WillMuldoon Having been to Wrangell twice in the last few months, I agree with you that there’s no easy way in or out that isn’t going to cost you $600+.

What's the cheapest way to go to Wrangell? Ferry looks like $100 each way, but only 1x/wk? Seaplanes is like $750+ RT?! AK Air is like half that but I'd probably have to grab a ~$175 hotel for one night? Anyone in Wrangell need me to work on some shit in the next week or so?

@allegedlycam And today is her birthday as well!

Know how sometimes they build a new, bigger, road alongside an existing one and rename the previous one “Old X St.”? They should call those streets “myways” so that when you give directions you can tell people to go “myway or the highway!”

After I retire I may to move to Finland and found a school to teach young girls to become proper young ladies, and name the school The Start School. Just so when people enroll they will have to say that they are starting Start Finnish Finishing school with a straight face.

I have it on very good authority that our chapbook of Alaska-themed sonnets is now available at the Juneau Arts & Humanities Council @jahc gift shop. I’d suggest you go down there and get it quick before they actually read it and realize what they are selling.

@WillMuldoon I bet if we made a simple law that said all costs for special session would come directly out of our PFD dividends, there’d never be a representative willing to vote for a special session again.

The $307/day in per diem and 67% pay raises is totally moral and cool though. Save that verbiage for the newsletter. 🚮

Received a positive ruling from the AK Supreme Court for the case I argued in February: appellate-records.courts.alaska.gov/CMSPublic/User…

He’s not even wearing a helmet.

How can Portland describe itself as "safe" when they've got bigfoots scaling the buildings? That's not safe at all. #PDX

Is this really the best photo they could come up with for this ad?

If I was going to start an account to trash post my hot legal takes, I’d definitely do it under the pseudonym “Fatticus Inch.”

@tinyghosts_boo This is my favorite poem of the whole bunch.

We know you are lost. But we will find a way to bring you home. amazon.com/dp/1931468370 linktr.ee/tinyghosts_boo #poetryisnotdead #poetrycommunity #poetryislife #poetryporn #poetrysociety #poetrylovers #sonnets #sonnet #poem #poetry

This whole blue checkmark controversy is really giving me a star-bellied sneetch vibe:

I can’t believe Twitter took away my legacy blue check mark. How are people going to know this is my official account and not just another fan account some weirdo made in my name?

TV show idea: Master Chef meets Squid Games. Amateur chefs prepare dishes, and the loser of each round is chopped up and cooked by the remaining contestants in the subsequent round.

I graduated high school thinking I had zero gay or trans classmates, I only heard the word "autism" in movies and ADHD wouldn't become mainstream terminology until I was in college. Of course, my school had all of that; those kids were forced to struggle privately, alone.