Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor

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Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor

Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor

@surveyorbennett

A diary. If Alan Bennett, the greatest playwright of our time, were a chartered building surveyor. Invariably cynical. Views are ostensibly my own. Parody.

Primrose Hill Katılım Haziran 2018
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Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor
Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor@surveyorbennett·
That is it. I am no longer a property professional. Retired. Account closed. It has been fun. No more fee forecasts, Ruperts or freezing my balls of in empty shit-pits. No schedules, tables, lists and fucking shit proformas. Hi-viz binned, glove box full of pens ditched.
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Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor
Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor@surveyorbennett·
Jacob Rees-Mogg. Mam would never forgive me for this, but I’ll say it anyway. He is a cunt.
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neil hurford
neil hurford@miskinblue·
@BBCPolitics Starmer is reading the Drakeford playbook....to deflect from your own abject bloody failures you jump on twittter and call Boris names like a feckless amatuer.
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BBC Politics
BBC Politics@BBCPolitics·
"To have to withdraw in this House and then scuttle out like a beetle and tweet it is, I think, utterly disrespectful to this House" Jacob Rees-Mogg criticises Labour leader Keir Starmer for calling Boris Johnson a "coward" bbc.in/3FqgCsS
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Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor
Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor@surveyorbennett·
They only came into the office when there were “cakes in the kitchen” for Janet’s 50th.
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Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor
Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor@surveyorbennett·
This puts me in mind of when Rupert in the the valuation team (along with Tarquin and Rufus) decided to get into running to woo a client (Charles from Ponsomby-Smith & Belmont-D’Church Developments). Needless to say Rupert went to Darcy Float-Naff who schooled at Dulwich.
Alan McGuinness@Alan_McGuinness

Pictured: Prime Minister Boris Johnson goes for a run on the first day of the Conservative Party conference in Manchester. 📸: REUTERS/Toby Melville

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Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor
Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor@surveyorbennett·
@Jacob_Rees_Mogg The only speed and efficiency was in handing money out to your Eton chums, donors and assorted spivs. If you so hate process why are you the filibuster-in-chief for the Tory party? You are nothing but an arrogant toffee-nosed streak of grift.
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BBC Breaking News
BBC Breaking News@BBCBreaking·
UK National Insurance rate for workers to rise by 1.25%, as part of Prime Minister Boris Johnson's plans to fund health and social care in England bbc.in/3n7eQa3
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Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor
Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor@surveyorbennett·
I am minded of the time I was hoodwinked into celebrating Rupert the land agent’s inheritance celebrations. His brother in-law (Darius) had gone off the rails, became a QS and had been buying sniff from some of (what he (crudely) termed were his common friends from the site.
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Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor
Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor@surveyorbennett·
Cheer up fellow surveyors, it will soon be the weekend. “The weekend” or as I like to call it, a fucking comma in a life sentence.
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Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor
Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor@surveyorbennett·
Retirement in the offing. Now I see the light at the end of the tunnel and the countdown begins, each hour feels like a week. The proverbial Rita Hayworth poster will soon be torn off the wall, by disgruntled colleagues wondering what the hell happened.
GIF
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Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor
Alan Bennett FRICS, Surveyor@surveyorbennett·
It has been often said that writing is 99 percent perspiration and 1 percent inspiration... I say building surveying is 99 percent finding the right key to a riser cupboard amongst 50 unlabelled keys and 1 percent cutting and pasting from previous reports.
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