Suzi Barrett

@captdope @ericandre Please make this. I’ll Venmo you.

The ironic flicker of joy Marie Kondo feels whenever she sees a copy of her book in someone’s trash can.

The good news is my 3D printer can print an alt earth in another dimension where the laws of physics prohibit violence and also there aren’t any jerk-wads byyyyyyeeeee ✌️⚡️✌️

True independence requires no declarations. #right?

The weird thing about music is that we end up taking lifelong advice from 23 year-olds.

Challenge to Elon Musk and all other futurists: invent a plane that can arrive at its gate without sounding like a Looney Toon is sawing a hole in the bottom.

Lighten up, nerd. twitter.com/neiltyson/stat…

“From this too, you shall rise.” — Ben Affleck, to himself, while staring at his reflection in the internet.

@fisackerly The deception is real.

@suzi_barrett It does kind of seem like a descriptor for a husband murderer.

The meaning of “widower” will never not be annoying; it is a linguistic prank.

Sloth is a sin that takes 82 years to commit.

@spacegoth_ What a compliment! I’ll try and live up to the pressure...

YEP. Thank you. twitter.com/mariashriver/s…

I’ve known Jordan almost 20 years, and I’ve never heard him say an unkind word. Proof that… instagram.com/p/Bf6pnQ9Au9k/

A sudden pang of empathy for everything Mario had to go through while on mushrooms.

Just saw a man hobbling with a cane tell a six year old “there used to be a show called full house...” and my life flashed before my eyes.

Etymology lesson: “makin whoopee” is a phrase first used by Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg.

Well, Hercules. You have bested the dreaded hydra, and slain demon-dog Cerberus, but can you ... fold this fitted bed sheet?????

@jayne_a_broad 🙏🏻keep up the great work!🙏🏻 @gotnextaj — do you know about these guys?