🖤 EV 🖤

This is my pinned tweet bc I pinned it here.

maybe you're there on the other side of this.

I just realised Liam Neeson trained both Bruce Wayne and Obi-Wan… the nerd in me is gonna need a minute

"Why are little umbrella's exclusive to cocktails ffs?" He thought to himself... *sticking one them bad boys in my breakfast cereal*

When my wife says “So I was thinking” there’s a 100% chance we’re either moving or starting another home reno project.

I’m like a raccoon, i may look cute as fuck, but i’ll still rip your face off.

My mother died 7 years ago today. I had to make space inside for the loss so I could carry it. Some days it feels heavier than others. But will I ever get over it? No, that's not going to happen.

I think most people call it a visitation the day before the funeral when someone passes. Around these parts, we call it a wake. Which sounds kinda creepy if you think about it 🤔

me on a first date:

Is there anything more disgusting than an airport bathroom? (Your moms vag is a given)

“Hey fellas, what’s crackalackin’?”

Diapers are so absorbent because toddlers need something to hold all of their audacity.

Can't, bedazzling my fanny pack tonight.

I just don't think child me ever really recovered from Chewbacca not getting a medal, like the others did, you know? Therapist: "please leave"

I see you hid all the good snacks before I came over...well played.

it was a different time