The Tap House

Memories All alone in the moonlight... @ The Tap House, Lancaster — at The Tap House, Lancaster facebook.com/36622489013715…

Happy mother's day to all the rad mums, step mums, grand mums and mother figures out there

Overheard: "OI! YOU! STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOTBALL AND TALK ABOUT FLOWERS AND DICKS!"

Join me in weeping as I cancel tonight's Open Mic due to SOMEONE having the goddamn TEMERITY to be ill.

Overheard: "What cultural contribution has Newcastle ever made?" "... Brown ale and 24 hour Gregg's."

There is absolutely no way that EVERYONE was Kung Fu fighting.

Heads, shoulders, fangs and tendrils, fangs and tendrils. Heads, shoulders fangs and tendrils, fangs and tendrils. Eye and eyes and OH MY GOD SO MANY EYES Heads, shoulders, fangs and tendrils.

I refuse to legitimise claims that my appointment as Company Reverse Necromancer is the same thing as a serial killer.

NOTICE: We are happy to announce that we now accept payment in Bitcoin, Krugerrands, indentured servitude and goat's blood (by dram only).

**NEW STOCK ALERT** Heave your shambling carcases down here. You'll be like "YE GODS! JUST LOOK AT ALL THIS BEER!" Help us burn through some of these OUTRAGEOUS brews from @blackjackbrewery, @northernmonk,... facebook.com/taphouselancs1…

**NEW STOCK ALERT** Heave your shambling carcases down here. You'll be like "YE GODS! JUST LOOK AT ALL THIS BEER!" Help us burn through some of these OUTRAGEOUS brews from @blackjackbrewery, @northernmonk,... facebook.com/taphouselancs1…

**POLITE NOTICE** Mitchell's legal representatives wish for it to be known that the law of "Finders, Keepers" is not applicable to human children.

Pfft, what do THEY know? It's bank holiday weekend. Let's live dangerously. bbc.com/news/health-45… bbc.com/news/health-45…

New stock! The Pale Armadillo from the wild savages at @tempestbrewingco, this soft, fruity flavour bomb weighs in at an easy 3.8% So you can drink it. And drink it. AND DRINK IT, YOU MINDLESS THRALLS! DRINK... facebook.com/taphouselancs1…

**POLITE NOTICE** To avoid last week's unpleasantness, we no longer permit clowns, mimes or nailclippers anywhere on the premesis.

**POLITE NOTICE** Please may customers refrain from throwing their cigarette buds on the floor. Our ants are getting cancer.

**POLITE NOTICE** Please note that all unattended children will be confiscated and sold to the circus.

Our beer is still better than theirs...

Call me crazy, but... NEW Zealand is a Danish marketing ploy to up the popularity of Zealand classic. And Denmark? Not even a real country. It's just Germany's little hat.

Here at The Tap House, we like to serve beers made the old fashioned way (enrobed, chanting in an eldritch language to Vox the Profane, ever may he reign).