scumbag baby

i was a drunk cig and he wanted a line

him: my bracket is ruined 🙁 me tryna hit: NOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭😭😞😞😞😭😭😭😭😭😞😞😭😭😭😥😥😭😭😭

when a woman gets a divorce: 🥗🧖🏻‍♀️💅🏻🧘🏻‍♀️💸📚 when a man gets a divorce: 🍻👴🏻👎🏻😷🍔🧟‍♂️

single dads from college hitting me up like dawg just bc i’m a teacher doesn’t mean imma like your raggedy ass kids

i barely even find men attractive anymore

how you gonna tell me you want a wife and kids when you can’t even clean your own toilet

farting in my cat’s litter box after i clean so that she knows i’m still alpha

@ewanwaynes what a great memory you have

@tapptastical Being 5’10” and wears dock martins, you should take a 6’2” (6’ 0.5”) where you can😂

did wuthering heights make anyone else miss their favorite ex or was it just me?

@megsxzum @mrgianfutbolusa happy for you 🩷🩷

god made me hot for a reason (to take money from men)

don’t know who needs to hear this but please don’t reach out to your ex today, it will only ruin her day. xoxo

period calories don’t count

@Peterr_15 10/10

@tapptastical Waiting patiently for your thoughts on mustaches next

@drewcp11_1 ty 🥹

@tapptastical So happy for you

i wish i was around in the 80s when men had to show up at your door step when they fucked up

don’t worry babe i’ll choke on it like the patriots are choking in this game

opening this app is like lighting a cigarette

the hottest thing a man can do is ask me to show him my animal crossing island

@Peterr_15 yes

@tapptastical Do you need a husband?

sorry i can’t go out tonight i’m playing animal crossing and drinking vodka crans in bed