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TRAUMA TOUCH REPULSED
A lot of shit went down and from being a really physical and mushy person but now I become severely distanced. Now the feeling of someone’s hands on me makes me want to scream. A former friend of mine put his hand on my shoulder and I immediately froze and wanted to pull away at once.
I feel afraid when someone touches me. I feel odd. Hugs have become so foreign to me. I hate them. When people tell me their love language is physical touch, I look down at them thinking wow “how needy.”
Does anyone have any theory over why usually CPTSD/complex trauma makes people severely touch repulsed?
Even if I don’t verbalize it I feel like internally just irritation that I wasn’t asked. I start to implode. But I don’t say this because I don’t want to hurt people's feelings. I hate it. It bothers me that I feel this way, because I know being hugged isn’t a threatening gesture but I do not want to be touched by anyone right now. I am a SA survivor and this has gotten worse for me over the years since the incident happened. I had to go to crisis counseling but I have yet to overcome this issue in my life. I wish it would stop and I could feel safe again.
Brushing up against me can trigger me. That's why I don't like going to certain places where there's a high probability of that happening.
I've become incredibly sensitized to that, this is actually the first time in speaking out about it. I have kept so much in for too long but this literally makes me implode. Please respect my space particularly when I'm alone cuz that's when that's likely to happen.
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