t

i need a big hug

if u ever see me talking to myself, don’t disturb me. i’m having a staff meeting

i love it when my pets sigh like what ails you my little unemployed freeloader

i love a simp ngl, y’all can keep the grumpy & unromantic

Your honor my client pleads the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall the major lift jury: hallelujah

i’ve been forced to watch some football recently and i really think they should consider editing the matches to have confessionals from the players like in reality tv shows. would be way more interesting

“The Gentleman behind you bought you this drink” The Gentleman behind you:

Guys don’t even apologize anymore they just let time go by and be like “wyd”

sorry for always being so sexy and funny

might dress as a vape this halloween so he’ll care if he loses me

men be like "your smile is so beautiful" and then proceed to wipe it off your face

did it hurt? when the concert finally ended and you had to return to normal life?

shutup

she’s a 10 but leaves lashes all round your house

friend: ”how’s life?“ me: ”everything’s on track thanks“ the track: