Entitled Tech Worker

our new reception area is really instagrammable

the wifi in the meditation room sucks

sure the lattes here are free but they aren't made with third wave coffee

they forgot to fluff up the break room bean bags again

sure my total compensation is 10x the average american income, but perks are still a necessary additional compensation for my labor

our free snacks aren't individually packaged so it's hard to take them home

today i learned that some people live in palo alto

i would love to move to a bigger city like NYC or LA, but i don't think there are any tech companies there

my parents keep telling me to open a 401k now that i’m turning 30, but i feel like they haven’t heard of ethereum

to paraphrase my VP of engineering: “if you tweet about our company from this account, you will be fired”

to paraphrase theodor herzl: “if you can buy 5000 fake github stars on your open source repo, it is no dream”

to paraphrase the great rabbi akiva: "if i will not clap on my own medium blog post 50 times, who will clap for me? and if not now, when?"

now that weed isn't an illegal drug, is it still covered under our "drugs and alcohol at work" policy?

i feel really bad for my friends who don't have all of their meals catered by their company. i'd be so embarrassed to have to ask my mom to make all my food for me again

after years of struggling to convince management to rewrite everything as microservices, we've instead refocused on making our monolith just as bad as microservices

i'm going to quit my job and follow my dreams any day now, just as soon as i have any dreams at all whatsoever

bombing your FANG interview isn't proven to cause dying alone, but it is strongly correlative

how to be a thought leader in two easy steps: 1️⃣ emoji as bullet points 🎉 2️⃣ link to your own tweets at least five times in every medium post, email, slack convo, tinder message 🎉

i'm proud to announce i've migrated production 50% to kubernetes, mostly so i can leave this place and get a job at google cloud

if you don't use a password manager, 2FA, full disk encryption, a private VPN, the tor browser, cyryptocurrencies supporting zsnarks, a faraday cage surrounding your home, and CPUs made by AMD, you DESERVE to have your identity stolen