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i love my mom dearly but i’ve never met anyone who could benefit more from smoking a little weed

@jenny_theorange ABC queen, never seen you at 14%

It’s always a scary feeling when you see you’re in the red 🪫 before your commute home. How much battery do you conserve to ensure you can show your ticket? Do you stay off battery draining apps? I’m at 14% and still have two stops to go. 🤞🙏

My 4 year old got scared and crawled into our bed. He just woke up and said “mom, fire poles are tricky right?” Never been more accurate.

In a cardiac arrest, time is of the essence. Prompt & effective CPR is often the difference between life & death. Please learn CPR. You could be in a position to potentially save someone’s life someday, and they are likely going to be a loved one. 7/

Took 2 years to find out this information

being an adult is just an endless loop of wiping down the counter

My 2022 mood is #airportrules

Yeppp

When Instagram and Facebook are down all day...

Puts toddler to bed…downloads @PAWPatrolMovie soundtrack because it’s BOPS #PAWPatrolMovie

I’d like to normalize the idea of “doing nothing” tomorrow

I just registered to save a life with @BeTheMatch. You can too! #BeTheMatch

When my husband asks me for Excel help, “it’ll be $500 fee but I can actually give you a discount if interested in discussing more”. That stay at home mom life is a grind friends.

Can we talk about being tipsy at in laws house and no snacks? Just had questionable pack of mini cookies and felt like civil water.

I’m turning into a Christmas mom’ster and I’m ok with it

This betch needs some mums #fallyall

When @artStaylor sends me a car to buy; I casually look at it on my husbands phone so he will get hammered with ads and it becomes top of mind. #marriage #SQ8

@doree Tent crib, I forget what it’s called but it works

My 15-month-old climbed out of his crib in a sleep sack this morning. We moved the mattress to its lowest setting (it had been on second lowest) but I feel like that’s not going to buy us a ton of time. What do I do besides freak out? He’s too young for a bed!

One of my MIL’s friends showed up with her own bottle of celemtine vodka and never have felt so connected to someone #fakeAA

Wear your MF masks.