K Squared

I was fired from my job as a Kindergarten teacher for handing condoms to the parents of students I didn’t like.

I have 2 daughters, you can’t scare me.

The worst part about listening to Tool for the first time is you can never listen to Tool again for the first time.

One is never truly prepared for the psychological strain associated with the ongoing necessity of laundry every week.

“Hero of the Day” by Metallica is my favorite song about submarine sandwiches.

Breaking: Warm weather gives middle aged man with beer gut perfect reason to not wear shirt in public.

@VintageRockN_85 The zoo of course

What’s your fav Scorpions Song?

@MetalMamaLady I’m in the minority… Escape

Peeps. BEST song from this album is........................

@RockLovesMe2 Kiss

🤔🤔 Who do you say?

Interviewer: describe yourself in one word Me: unemployed

@SchmuckOnAHorse I feel like they are Kiss 2.0 now. They have a new collab with Nixon watches.

After trying for myself, I still don't understand my dog's fascination with licking his balls.

If you put a Smurf in a blender, your smoothie will turn purple; not blue. I know this now.

There are better ways to get through bullshit than wading in it.

Pizza is a vibe. Pasta is a mood. Parmesan is forever.

Nothing is stopping you from washing your coffee mug.

People that open the microwave early and don't clear the timer are why we can't have nice things.

Kelly Kapowski was hotter than Kelly Bundy but Kelly Bundy would do that thing you like.

adulting is like finding how many new ways we can say "i'm trying my best"

Having multiple streaming apps and dozens of new shows on my watchlists but choosing to rewatch an old favourite for the 12 time always feels right

Her: "shoot your shot, you never know" Me, *a Stormtrooper: "this isn't my strong point"