Brutus

Un año, ya. Guau #MyXAnniversary

Entré a un negocio y había un perrito sentado adentro en la entrada. Yo no acaricio perritos desconocidos, así que le pasé por al lado. La dueña estaba en el fondo y dice: que pasó Orsetto, no te saludaron? ME GIRÉ CORRIENDO y volví a mimarlo 😭 una maleducada yo que no saludo.

@huinismith Dejá, voy caminando.

Soñé que iba al volante de una camioneta gris, con Brutus parado en el asiento del acompañante y las orejas al viento. Estaba más peludo que una oveja metalera. El volante tenía una W. #FAIL

Humana lleva a todos lados un cuaderno muy gordo. Ayer nos llevó a mí y a humanito a la plaza. Se sentó, se puso ese antifaz de mirar y lo abrió. Iba del cuaderno a su cachorro. Deben ser las instrucciones.

Al pito chico que trajo su pitbull suelto al parque: ojalá uno de los míos te contagie rabia mutante. Al perro no, a vos, humano.

¡Volvieron! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🥰🥰🥰

@Goldenmindsetz Usaste traductor google o chat gtp?

@kirawontmiss You should teach your children to be able to survive on their own... Cook, clean, repair... What kind of parent teaches their children to do half the job to survive?

A man can be deeply in love with you and still walk away without looking back. Why? Because to a sensible man, peace is more valuable than love. People hate hearing this. They want to believe that if a man loves you, he will endure your chaos forever. That is a lie. Take the story of David and Simi. David was a perfect definition of real man. He was the kind of man who did not just date you, he upgraded you. When he met Simi, she was struggling with her final year project and battling depression. David stepped in. He paid for the research, he stayed up nights proofreading her work, and he got her a job at his friend’s firm after graduation. David loved Simi with a quiet, intense fire and was planning to propose in April. But Simi had a problem. Simi believed that a peaceful relationship was boring. She grew up watching toxic movies where passion meant fighting, screaming, and breaking things, only to have makeup sex later. To Simi, David’s calmness looked like weakness. She started testing him. She would pick fights just to see if he would yell. She would threaten to break up just to see if he would beg. Every time she acted crazy, David would calmly apologize, hold her, and reassure her. She told her friends she had him wrapped around her finger and he could not leave her because he loved her too much. It happened on the night of David’s biggest career achievement. He was receiving an award at a gala in Victoria Island. All his investors were there. David asked Simi to be ready by 6 PM. Simi decided to test him again. She wanted to see if he would wait for her. She did not start dressing until 7 PM. She ignored his calls. When David finally came to pick her up, he was sweating, anxious, and late. Instead of apologizing, Simi flared up. She asked him why he was rushing her and if the award was more important than her. She screamed that if he wanted to go, he should go. She expected him to beg. She expected him to say No baby, you are my world. Instead, David looked at the time. He looked at her, sitting on the bed in her robe, scrolling on TikTok while he stood in his tuxedo. The light in his eyes went out. He wanted to argue but paused and He simply said Okay. He turned around, walked out of the apartment he paid for, got in his car, and drove to the gala alone. Simi was shocked. She called him 50 times that night. No answer. She sent texts saying she hated him, then she sent texts saying she was leaving, then she sent texts saying she was sorry. Silence. The next morning, she woke up to a credit alert. David had sent her two million naira. The narration on the transfer readforr your rent and upkeep. Take care of yourself. She rushed to his house, but the gatekeeper told her Oga had traveled. She called his friends, and they told her to let him go. Simi spent six months waiting for him to come back. She told everyone he loved her and he would come back because they had a bond. But this time, David was done. One year later, Simi saw pictures of David’s wedding on Instagram. He married a lady who was not as pretty as Simi. She was not as fashionable. But in every picture, David looked rested. He looked like a man who could finally sleep with both eyes closed. Simi fell to her knees in her room. She realized too late that she had treated a husband like a fan. She thought his endurance was infinite. She did not know that a man’s tolerance has a breaking point, and once it snaps, not even God can glue it back together. Do not mistake a man’s patience for stupidity.

We’re not kidding

They brought a special needs dog to socialize with other animals. No one paid attention to him. But a small dog fell in and joined the group. ❤️

Váyanse todos a la concha de su madre. Ojalá en año nuevo se les vuelen los dedos, cuando quieran llamar a la ambulancia no venga y no tengan plata para el Uber al hospital porque se patinaron el aguinaldo en petardos y queden haciendo cuernos permanentes. Putos.

37 years ago today sgt Al Powell investigated a prank call and ended up saving countless lives at nakatomi plaza

Inaugurando la temporada. Prometo portarme bien. instagram.com/p/DSHy7BXFWog/…

Inaugurando la temporada. Prometo portarme bien. instagram.com/p/DSHy7BXFWog/…

con 20 años sin padre y sin madre se me han puesto los pelos de punta, hay gente a la que le toca vivir en modo difícil, la vida no es justa

Es el país que más mira Los Simpson en todo el planeta y vos propones construir un monorriel

🚨 ZURDOS le PEGAN a la Gendarmería para tener la FOTITO de las Redes Sociales ➡️Ni un centímetro a estas LACRAS

Nunca entendí el por qué de esto, Es como si las personas eligieran consumir el contenido que les gusta, re loco