The Paternity Test

Viva Boresi is the star of @Toyota’s holiday commercial, directed by Oscar Nominee Ted Melfi! (Hidden Figures) Thanks to @StewartTalent and all the fine people in Woodstock, IL!

@Cheetara86 They have Marvin Gaye.

Not my mom asking me if I want to go to her friend’s 80th birthday party tomorrow. Low key thinking about going because they turn up. 👀👀

@scottkdurbin You probably would have ruined the whole show, Scott, because you were a baby.

Our friends the @iMovers have a new single and video and you need to hear/see it! youtu.be/eJm2D76RnVc #imaginationmovers

I’m not saying I’m getting old, but these are the two most recent ads foisted upon me by social media.

@thechrisbarron Not only have I sung “What Time Is It” every 4:30 since 1991, I’ve pretty much sung it every hour on the 30. (This is true.) I’m a little salty about it, actually.

Uh, tell him friends. (Hint: 4:30)

@RDogTucker We must be related.

I know she seems distracted but she’s just upset about the Challenger.

It looks like the only healthy thing is the apple slices, but there might be ketchup on the bologna, which is classified as a vegetable.

The most accurate thing about the 80’s American Girl doll, and I’m not kidding, is that her parents are divorced and she comes with a super shitty lunch.

@SNChalmers1876 This was already part of the Air Force. It’s just some rip off Paramount branding and nonsense to keep the Toddler in Chief happy. Every dollar spent on this is theft from hungry American children.

@AllAboutBurros My human-sized chess set feels almost frivolous.

@SNChalmers1876 You don’t like the extra portions of feces in your pork, snowflake?!

Too late, @girlscouts - we’ve seen your Barrett tweet and your smug follow up, now both deleted. We’re done with your cookies, including and especially for events, if you don’t publicly apologize for supporting an illegitimate justice here to take away women’s rights.

@AllAboutBurros *Dobby, not Donny. (Stupid spellcheck)

@AllAboutBurros You’re lucky it’s your birthday, meanie! (Actually, we agree. Donny is sniveling and grotesque and an enabler of Death-Eaters. Like Lindsey Graham.)