jon bennett

What a Christmas Eve! Father in law got BITEN BY A DOG in the @mspairport while getting on @SunCountryAir plane while bleeding from the leg. Wife asked for help and was given hand sanitizer to treat the wound! Merry Christmas! Holy moly!

Sarah Cooper returns with "How to Boat." He’s always given her a wealth of material to work with, but Trump’s bit about the shark/electric boat was probably just too hard for her to resist so she took his insanity and turned it into comedy gold...

Hear me out: the only remakes that should be made are BABY versions. The Muppets knew it with Muppet Babies. I’d definitely watch Game of Baby Thrones, Seinfeld Babies, Breaking Bad Babies, 3 Babies and a Man… the list is endless! Comment yours if you like!

🎵So this is Christmas. What have you done? OH GOD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!

The key to happiness is never flying anywhere

When I think about it I’ve been consistently overwhelmed since 2016

While performing on this cruise ship: Kid: “Are you the comedian?” Me: “Of sorts, yes” Kid: “DO HIM!” Me: “What?” Kid: “DO HIM! DO MY DAD!” Me: “Do your Dad?” Kid: “YEAH! DO HIM! KILL HIM IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY! Me: “ok”

I’m performing on this cruise ship for the next 12 days. On DAY ONE I got sunburnt INSIDE MY BELLY BUTTON! INSIDE IT! Is this what a yeast infection feels like?

The fact that we’re still just doing “Daylight Savings” and everyone knows what it is and is still doing it is bamboozling

The fact that the phrase “cost of living” exists and we all understand it is bamboozling

Just posted a photo instagram.com/p/Cpx1JWuP9iQ/…

I’ve come a long way in 24 years… instagram.com/p/CpN48D9JlLv/…

Just posted a photo instagram.com/p/CpLUklLPCz2/…

Watching sports people celebrate by jumping into each other gives me anxiety #nba

Me after saying "No worries if not" yet again

What if everyone who has said “I love you” to me was actually talking about the tv show @YouNetflix

Just posted a photo @ Curious Comedy Theater instagram.com/p/CofsQ6my806/…

I’m metal #metal instagram.com/p/CoVayOSStY6/…