frayed

you feel so much you ache so deep because you have chosen to stand your ground in this pain to be the warrior death against the tide to not numb or distract or avoid you have chosen to rise again each day to live&breathe&feel all of this &maybe thats the bravest thing you can do

maybe its more calm fresh breath hushed noise deep safety bonds cut chains released somehow wounds all healing empty places filled in more like light belonging wholeness instead of so much dirty you think is fun until youre hollowed raw &cant figure out why

i think maybe they're used to them demanding what they want &trying to give it to them until exhausted&embittered bc its all forced&unnatural obligation guilt shame everyone hiding real feelings &true needs&somehow shocked that everyone comes up short empty&lying

a natural outpouring an overflow of passionate adoration focused honor awe&respect a gift that brings unity&closeness healing release comfort belonging lifting burdens casting off weight cleansing&shedding away lies making one feel whole seen valued thats love i thought anyway

i never understand they call it love when what they are doing is seeking to gratify their own desires&agenda no no my insides wail that is not love at all

@dyingtogetin2 🖤🥀🖤

@theknotbehind 🖤🖤🥀

just my shadow from another time a parallel world a ribbon or a thread glass shards between footprints across a vast chasm

someday i hope u get to read the letters i wrote to you all the aching my heart did when you were unreachable all the good i demanded for u when u were hurting every way it was craved there was a way to fight for your dreams when we were pieces caught in squares holding our place

i know sometimes he climbs those canyons &wanders in the fog &twists with the vines i know he drifts in silence with the feathers in shadow waiting for creeping talons to release &feeling to return

each day u wait for long gravel roads to untie each piece of caved in armor until maybe u get to see flesh emerge from under the weight &maybe u get to pull off the boots he hurts too badly to reach for before u do in case maybe for one unguarded moment he gets to take a breath

seems you only have to watch for what is unseen listen for what you cant clearly hear be aware of what is mostly hidden feel all that is barely perceptible be open to that which you have no frame of reference to interpret &follow the path that appears only as your foot touches it

@dyingtogetin2 🖤🥀❤️

@theknotbehind what if 🖤😌🥀

it was all the thoughts he had along his road to get lost in the mists&the branches the lochs&heavy laden things he believed he was always alone but what if they were a thousand miles apart thinking the very same thing

a thought of Autumn

i knew you couldnt feel it the way it all existed in you like a breaking open breathes a shaft of light into the deepest hollows but i saw it in you all the same

you want to spend a lifetime telling them trying to show them wanting to be love itself trying to give it all to them longing to pull them in to feel belonging for every way they were ever held at bay or pushed out

you want to tell them its safe to exhale &they dont have to bear it alone &the gaping holes they feel are not a razors edge of rock no one is willing to climb you grasp for some way your eyes can cull the unworthiness &wash their busted feet&soothe their burning

you just want to hold all the places that were shoved away or mocked ridiculed or abandoned you crave like hunger to cup their face & cherish with care every unspoken grueling bone deep ache

the fear noticed in their feeding of a seemingly prescribed diet of what they think is wanted odd awkward&forced maybe from prior programming like a robot marching out orders who will not just be itself because it thinks its not enough maybe only seeing myself

im sorry for all the things you dont understand the ones that leave that relentless pit in your gut &you cant seem to catch a breath im sorry for the aching &how it wont let go for how you try to push it into the background &it wont give up center stage &you’re just so tired