Elise L. Torres

@JiimJamms Marriage man 😂

Here’s another one - our carpet cleaner broke last week so I said “we should rent a carpet cleaner when I’m off on Friday to clean the carpets” Friday comes and we get the carpet cleaner and matson goes “I wish you told me about your plans, I’d like to use it in the spare room”

@thesarcastigirl Well. Same

Whoops…

Spends quite literally all day exhausted and wanting to sleep. Head finally hits pillow, eyes and brain are suddenly awake.

Sam was feeding Jordan a bottle last night, trying to put him to sleep, I started singing “Jesus Loves Me” in attempts to soothe him… and Sam was like:

@JiimJamms 🤣 anything to avoid any human contact.

@therealenielsen Hahaha. I try to peak out the window with out moving the curtain or I’ll look from the second floor to see if the car drives away 🤣

Does anyone else hide from door dashers/delivery people when your instructions say to leave at the door

@WokeWordsOfSam Calling us out on our inability to put our clothes away 😂

Look I’m not scared of the dark, but I’m not not scared of the dark either. I’m just saying given a choice between the two I’m gonna choose being able to see that the pile of clothes in my room isn’t actually a monster in the room.

@carly_jane718 Thats so kind of you 💛 Thank you!

@therealenielsen One day at a time. I'm sure you are an amazing mom! ✨💛

Becoming a new mom on top of life in general can be emotionally and physically draining sometimes 🙃

@WokeWordsOfSam What a jerk

Remember there is alway someone else to blame for your problems. Like when it’s 5am and you drop a knife on the floor while making a pb&j and your baby wakes up, it’s sir Isaac Newton’s fault for inventing gravity. Asshole

Wordle 235 3/6 🟩⬛⬛⬛⬛ 🟩🟨🟩⬛🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 In case anyone wants an update on my cool status

@JiimJamms Hahaha YES! I came across his Facebook page yesterday and remembered that memory!

@therealenielsen You just resurfaced this menu. I think the kids name was Harry?

I remember one time in middle school a kid got his hand stuck in the garbage disposal in the Home Ec class. The fire department had to come get it out,

@WokeWordsOfSam Too close to home. This kid ain’t yours

@therealenielsen I’m naturally a funny person but my jokes have reached a whole new level of greatness. For example here is one Wife: I’m pregnant Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.

@WokeWordsOfSam hey, now that you’re a dad do you have any good jokes?

@ian_m_black Now I’m not sure what to think…. ☹️

@therealenielsen Whoops, I meant 😎 (or did I?)

Wordle 229 5/6 🟨🟨⬜⬜⬜ ⬜🟩🟩⬜⬜ ⬜🟩🟩⬜🟨 🟩🟩🟩🟩⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Does this make me cool?

Nothing makes a bad day worse than being pregnant and already emotional enough and hitting a squirrel and watching it flop around suffering in the rear view mirror. I am traumatized

Glad everyone else is complaining about this heat because I thought I was just being a pregnant wimp ☀️🔥🥲😂

@WokeWordsOfSam Very high hopes.

Now that I know I’m having a boy I’ve suddenly become concerned with the responsibility of blood lines. I now carry the “need” to protect and carry on my name as if I’m a Game of Thrones character. This boy better make me look good, cause If not dead me is gonna be pissed.