thingsthatsmatter

If my life was a tv show today’s ep would be flat tires and free bleeding

Has anyone checked on Tove Lo recently?

Just saw a Nissan Altima undercover cop. This is the last straw

I keep saying I’m a minimalist but really I’m just lazy

Natasha Bedingfield for VP

Does anyone actually have a dog named Fido

3) my dad was right about the moon being huge

1) a random woman trying to set me up at the bar and the guy asking if that was my mom (it wasn’t my mom) 2) me informing the security guard someone was going to jump a fire pit then security gaurd face planting and getting mad at me

My boss working from home and cannot figure out how to reply to an email #iwishthiswasajoke

We weren’t sure what it was made of and it’s still not clear

Really just went on and on the my Uber driver about glass noodles

More triumphs from Costco… I walked around for so long just for my Apple Pay not to work… how awkward of me in the check out line

Wtf is pink lemonade

Still at Costco… Sean brings the smallest box imaginable to haul out our groceries… I say it’s not big enough…he says it’s big enough… the cashier says… big enough for WHAT

Just ran through Costco carrying asparagus like a football like the hero I am

Told the bouncer at the club at Mexico that my pepper spray was a vibrator so he stopped questioning me and I didn’t have to throw it away

Got gas lit by my dentist today

Potatoes are stupid I’m just gonna say it

Was feeling very feminist today and asked the male office manager to provide tampons in the women’s bathroom #updatestocome

Patrick mahomes and his wife look like cold cheese as a couple