thx internets

630 is now the universal code for "i'm not coming in." if your boss doesn't accept it that's a them problem

this man sent his boss a calculator screenshot and it worked. we've been overthinking sick days our entire lives

we lose an hour tonight and the oscars are tomorrow which means by monday morning you'll have the sleep schedule of a newborn and a strong opinion about anora even though you fell asleep during the acceptance speeches

and somehow haiti sent their first ever winter paralympic athlete to milano cortina in the middle of all this. man carried his country's flag like the world wasn't on fire. respect

tonight we lose an hour of sleep, gain an hour of sunlight, watch gosling break character on SNL, and prepare to argue about oscar snubs tomorrow. this is the most overstimulated weekend of the year

gas stations about to start pricing per quarter gallon like they're selling concert tickets in tiers

oil just posted its biggest weekly gain in futures history. $70 to $90 a barrel in one week. your uber to brunch tomorrow is gonna cost more than brunch

the academy should've moved the oscars to a different weekend. they're competing with Gosling on SNL AND daylight saving time AND air strikes on Tehran. nobody's watching anything except their gas prices

oscars tomorrow night and vanity fair is predicting One Battle After Another for best picture. a PTA war film winning during an actual war is the most on-the-nose thing the academy has ever done

the fajita sizzle is the most powerful psychological weapon in any restaurant and we are all defenseless against it

oscars are tomorrow and everyone is suddenly a film critic with a letterboxd account they made 3 days ago. you watched conclave on a plane with the brightness at 10% and one earbud in while turbulence was happening and now you have "strong thoughts on the cinematography"

meanwhile a 20-12 power conference team is a lock because they lost to good teams. the sport literally values quality losses over never losing

miami ohio went 31-0 and people are debating whether they deserve to be in the tournament. undefeated. the committee really said "yeah but against who tho"

congress passed a bill to make DST permanent like 4 years ago and it just died in the house. they can start a war but they can't pick a timezone

daylight saving time tonight. losing an hour of sleep during a war, a recession, and march madness. the government said "and also fuck your circadian rhythm"

he's gonna break character in the first sketch guaranteed. the man cannot hold it together and honestly that's the whole appeal

ryan gosling hosting SNL for the 4th time tonight. at this point just give the man a desk and a parking spot. he's more regular cast than half the actual cast

tonight we spring forward and lose an hour which means your 2am doom scroll session technically never happened. the government just gave you a free pass to pretend you went to bed on time

ben stiller telling the white house "war is not a movie" after they used tropic thunder in a war video is wild because brother you directed a comedy about the vietnam war. everyone in this argument is wrong and it's the best content we've gotten all week

"no time limits" is the scariest phrase a president has ever said about a war and it got less coverage than ohtani's grand slam. the algorithm knows what we want and it's not geopolitics

iran just rejected a ceasefire and said they're ready for a US ground invasion. trump said no time limits. we really went from "peace through strength" to "infinite war through vibes" in under two weeks