montie

extremely online gf reading the funny tweets to her offline bf

@AmericanAir has had my husbands flight on the tarmac for 2 HOURS at DFW without a gate. Fucking psychotic

I spend so much of the day lounging around with my tiddies out you'd think I was a Greek statue instead of a new mom.

Staying up late because that's when the baby is active and it's fun when she pokes me back through my stomach 😂

I would like to officially rank getting a stomach bug while pregnant as a 2/10 experience. The only reason it has remaining points is because I haven't had a fever and I appreciate that. I have however pulled all of my rib muscles and burst a bunch of capillaries in my face...

Google photos reminded me that 12 years ago I was going through the HS breakup that I thought would ruin my life.

I was a little embarrassed about my 6-8pm nap, but then my husband came in and said "the only things you should have to do are sleep, drink water, eat and sometimes go for a walk" which is exactly what every pregnant woman deserves to hear.

This #OpeningCeremony has everything. Boats. Parkour. Accordians. A woman dressed as a croissant. More boats. Lady Gaga.

Pregnancy has destroyed my digestive system in a way that I'm worried can't be undone 😂

Got a little baby bump poppin and I've never seen my husband lose his mind like this before 😂😂😂

Some of us planned it so well that our babies are supposed to show up on Taylor Swift's birthday. 😂

Before you start dating a "rodent man" remember that's who your kids are going to look like when they're born, and "rodent baby" is just creepy

the most relatable sabrina carpenter lyric to exist:

Pregnancy dreams are SO WEIRD. I was worried I'd dream about true crime because I've been watching a lot of the Karen Read trial, but instead I had an all night dream about kids putting lizards into a sensory bin and me fishing them out.

Down 10lbs since getting pregnant (thanks morning sickness and food aversions) but none of my pants fit around the bump.

Went for a 90 min massage today and bad news but pregnant women should be able to book for longer periods of time. Why not a 525,600 minute massage?

Cried this afternoon bc the baby won't be able to listen to @taylorswift13 for 6 more weeks while her ears finish developing. Pregnancy hormones are wild.

Baby's first Era's Tour (but not their last if Taylor adds 2025 US dates 👀👀👀)

I can tell I'm getting old because I watch every clip of Hoda and Jenna that I come across unironically.

Flying across the world to see @taylorswift13 was worth it.

@jackantonoff really has me out here shaking my ass to songs about suicidal ideation and the Vietnam war. What can't this man do?