Ting

Come on Covid, do your magic. Take Putin.

I recently went to a beauty salon and wrote this. I can't be the only one here. Tell me your stories! ow.ly/s6gm50Czldq

My cats keep dumping lizards into my shoe. Yes that's right... CATS... I have two of those fuckers...

Cute animal videos are the porn for my broken soul and a testament to my incredible data plan.

Me in the morning: 'I don't care what anyone say..' 2 mins later... Still Me: 'Why does everyone hate me!'

Brisbane has 'Bris-Vegas'. Melbourne should have 'Mel-Boob'. Jokes done for the week!

One day, I am going to be that person who repeats every headline on the news to keep a conversation going.

My mum and I both show our love through actions. When she sent me some face masks from Singapore, I was moved. I was so moved, I sent her back the masks. Now she knows I love her.

Just one of the many reasons to upgrade to a new iPhone 11.

When I say I tend to agree, what I really mean is I can see how no one agrees with your idea.

I think to achieve equality, women should start behaving and thinking more like men. We should start roasting each other on the size of our vaginas.

How it looks when you do a bit in normal conversation

I think mormons should open a conversation with, “I am a local legend around here.” when you open your door to greet them.

It’s odd how similar constipation feels to being back to stage after 4 months of not performing.

Note to self when acting coach says to be more aggressive with a comb, it doesn’t mean you punch the comb.

@heylaowai That’s why I’m growing my beard too :)

Is any guy thinking this when they choose to grow a beard during lockdown, “I can’t grow my dick so I will grow my beard.” ?

I have been told that I have been saying zucchini wrong my whole life. I should stop calling it weird dick vegetable.

Work meetings are just a contest to see who can stay awake the longest.