Ting

391 posts

Ting

Ting

@tinglimcomedy

Stand up comedian. Upright citizen. Olympian.

Brisbane, Australia Katılım Kasım 2011
63 Takip Edilen186 Takipçiler
Ting
Ting@tinglimcomedy·
Come on Covid, do your magic. Take Putin.
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Ting@tinglimcomedy·
I recently went to a beauty salon and wrote this. I can't be the only one here. Tell me your stories! ow.ly/s6gm50Czldq
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Ting@tinglimcomedy·
My cats keep dumping lizards into my shoe. Yes that's right... CATS... I have two of those fuckers...
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Ting@tinglimcomedy·
Cute animal videos are the porn for my broken soul and a testament to my incredible data plan.
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Ting@tinglimcomedy·
Me in the morning: 'I don't care what anyone say..' 2 mins later... Still Me: 'Why does everyone hate me!'
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Ting@tinglimcomedy·
Brisbane has 'Bris-Vegas'. Melbourne should have 'Mel-Boob'. Jokes done for the week!
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Ting@tinglimcomedy·
One day, I am going to be that person who repeats every headline on the news to keep a conversation going.
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Ting@tinglimcomedy·
My mum and I both show our love through actions. When she sent me some face masks from Singapore, I was moved. I was so moved, I sent her back the masks. Now she knows I love her.
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Ting retweetledi
Apple
Apple@Apple·
Just one of the many reasons to upgrade to a new iPhone 11.
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Ting@tinglimcomedy·
When I say I tend to agree, what I really mean is I can see how no one agrees with your idea.
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Ting@tinglimcomedy·
I think to achieve equality, women should start behaving and thinking more like men. We should start roasting each other on the size of our vaginas.
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ben
ben@benwassertweet·
How it looks when you do a bit in normal conversation
ben tweet media
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Ting@tinglimcomedy·
I think mormons should open a conversation with, “I am a local legend around here.” when you open your door to greet them.
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Ting@tinglimcomedy·
It’s odd how similar constipation feels to being back to stage after 4 months of not performing.
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Ting@tinglimcomedy·
Note to self when acting coach says to be more aggressive with a comb, it doesn’t mean you punch the comb.
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Ting@tinglimcomedy·
@heylaowai That’s why I’m growing my beard too :)
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Ting@tinglimcomedy·
Is any guy thinking this when they choose to grow a beard during lockdown, “I can’t grow my dick so I will grow my beard.” ?
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Ting@tinglimcomedy·
I have been told that I have been saying zucchini wrong my whole life. I should stop calling it weird dick vegetable.
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Ting@tinglimcomedy·
Work meetings are just a contest to see who can stay awake the longest.
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