tyler jackson,☀️Mr. HEAT🌶

I spent April-September completely re-making and re-imagining Tommy Wiseau’s THE ROOM with comedians and artists from across the country. The full movie is here and it is absolute bizarre and wonderful. Watch below! youtu.be/3YhLRP5iKeg #TheRoom

Proud to announce I have been nominated for an Oscar (the award for biggest Grouch)

They’re called Nature Valley bars because that’s the place where they mine all that hard granola

I’m tired of comedians ripping on Spirit Airlines! They are the ONLY airline where I can order my all-time favorite meal in-flight, Cup Noodles and Buzzballz

Me: “This is my dog- he can’t see too good anymore.” You: “Aww, is he getting old?” Me: “No, he just looked at an eclipse for too long without the glasses on.”

Me: Let me get a double cheeseburger Waiter: How do you want that cooked Me: Medium well, and then let’s do the other one rare

Pretty sure I saw a celebrity, but it also just could’ve been a guy wearing sunglasses inside the airport

This next comedian is an absolute crusher and my best friend and I love them so much, they’ve really changed my life for the better, please welcome the number one comedian of all time, sorry, I left my notes backstage, can someone tell me who’s next

Me, coming into my next job interview after AI takes my job:

Me: “Hey man, do you like golf?” Friend: “Nah, it’s too big.” Me: “Ooohohoho boy, do I have the sport for you. Get this—

The story of Green Eggs and Ham is a beloved classic cherished by generations, and we wanted to be sure to do justice to this timeless tale, which is why we’ve made the decision to split it into two films, releasing one year apart

Scrub Daddy is out here selling a special Valentine’s Day pack, like this isn’t a 100% guaranteed way to get yourself dumped

Million dollar idea: Scholastic book fair for adults. Imagine you show up to work, and there’s just a little miniature book store set up in the break room of your job. You can get some novelty pencils or a poster of a sports car. Life is GOOD.

Now when you say football, do you mean European football or Taylor Swift football?

Please sign my petition- I’m trying to make Spirit airlines sell Monster energy drinks in-flight

Me, watching Jesus flip over the moneylenders’ tables: “Ha ha, typical Capricorn”

Film websites are always like “Martin Scorsese says that the scariest film of all time is Frankenstein from 1931,” and it’s like Marty, have you even SEEN the new Insidious movie??

Oh me? My sign? It’s Good Guy moon, Bad Guy rising

Insane that no streamer has implemented a shuffle feature yet, where you can just add shows to a pool, and then it just plays random episodes of your selected shows.

Christian Rock = Loud first few minutes➡️Quiet ending Olivia Rodrigo= Quiet first few minutes➡️Loud ending