agatha crispy

It’s crazy you guys are paying money for an Ai LLM to agree with whatever the hell you say; meanwhile, I’m texting my cousin Terry for free

Hell yea I’m bi. Bi-ying beers

disrespectful of the TSA agent to do a pat down of my groin area when my shit is on shrimp mode

coming to a head? I mean yeah if it’s good enough

hearing someone click their weed pen button 5 times to turn it on in the stall next to me in the airport bathroom is my version of that whistle 3 finger salute thing they do in hunger games

imagine being a substitute teacher. they got you sittin on the bench 😭

I’ve been in this coffee shop for 40 minutes and the only song that’s played is the chorus from Bruno mars’ “die with a smile”. Not even the whole song just the chorus. No one else has seemingly noticed

she buckin on my piannis antetokounmpo

right before the trade deadline

If twitter DM really encriptid then whys my wife filing for divorce??

dog and pony show?! you’re meaning to say they got both of em??

everyones a big supporter of businesses hiring people with autism until they making ya sandwich at jimmy johns

just took zohrans subway for the first time, he renamed it the MTThey/them

@BigWineGuy5 confirmed

You know Bushwick is gonna smell crazy tonight

I could never be a federal agent in charge of transporting felons on an airplane - my sleepy ass would wake up and he’d be flying the plane!!! 😴✈️🤣

going to the chiropractor and asking for a happy ending

Big Sky? Yeah, I’ll say

Me being able to see exactly where the baseball is in relation to the strike zone on TV: “What are you fucking blind”

I would also fight fires

If I were a firefighter I would fake emergency fire alerts when I was on call so I could cheat on my wife