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what’s really sad is not just looking back and reminiscing, but the realization that you are moving further and further away from it. only moving forward, never back.
something i’ve come to notice about myself lately is, although i consider myself to have pretty good long term memory, at least as someone who does tend to think of my past a lot, there’s this almost inevitable feeling that details fade. some of the scenes start to slip away. further and further away the life i used to live goes, as i continue to experience new things, meet new days, and make new memories to remember.
i’m not some computer with unlimited storage, or even backup data for that matter. which is honestly kind of unfair. i would like a folder labeled “random childhood scenes i didn’t know i’d miss later” lol
i used to love the crisp air of new jersey around fall and spring. upstate new york was great too. i remember going on a couple trips to camps and forested areas, the smell of fog in the morning, the trees, the quiet, and that perfect temperature where maybe shorts and a warm hoodie somehow made complete sense.
and i wonder, what thoughts had filled my head back then? what was important to me at that time?
even i was not impervious to the occasional “big issue” school gossip, or the latest sneaker craze to come through the grade. stress from procrastinating homework, wondering what people thought of me, and the next swim meet being the entire world to me, i guess.
and it’s so obvious now, and it was obvious to me then as well, that the world eventually opens up to bigger and greater things. so then the scales of importance keep balancing out until suddenly you’re worrying about more “important” things, whatever that means.
i loved music through all of that, thankfully, which eventually led me here. you can even say it led me to you all as well.
but having a dream and all is overrated sometimes. it can be good, of course, but how many people can really say they are living out their dreams? even some of my friends ended up changing their majors multiple times in college. who really knows? perhaps most people are just trying things, changing directions, always pretending they know where they’re going, only slowly becoming and finding themselves along the way.
and a dream doesn’t automatically equal happiness.
often times, “are you happy?” can seem like the most difficult question to answer. and sometimes the answer can feel like no. but i think happiness is made up by the little things. mundane things, like seeing a dumb bird doing something stupid, having a cute baby wave back at you, losing video games but having a good laugh, or drinking a super overpriced smoothie that unfortunately tastes really good.
those things add up and can make up a pretty happy day, a pretty happy week, and maybe even a pretty happy life.
and i get to stand on stage and have people cheer me on on top of that. how lucky i am.
so i am grateful. and i guess reminiscing led me to write this.
in a way, in the almost 3 years since i’ve debuted, some of you may even feel like you’ve watched me grow up. and i feel the same too. i am growing. i hope to continue to do so, and will only continue to grow. old... haha.
but i’m not perfect, and i hope to continue to be true to myself, and be as honest of a person as i can to you all.
as riize grows, so does briize, so that much more responsibility falls on us to support you all as well. and if riize is just one of those small, mundane things in your life that makes a day feel a little better, i think that’s more than enough.
not that i’m saying riize or briize is small or mundane haha. i’m sure y’all get what i mean.
it always amazes me when a fan tells me they were inspired to do something because of me or riize. that’s always so cool, and honestly, inspiring to me as well.
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