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tommy
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An Update, a Story, and My Return.
Most of you know me as Elevate, A scrawny overly-confident kid with a big smile and boisterous laugh. This update is not from Elevate but from Hayden, the scrawny self conscious kid who promoted a character he always strived to be. I have known for years I needed to write this update, but in typical Elevate style I thought it would show weakness, failure, and be kinda sad (the antithesis of the “Elevate” brand I have worked so hard to build).
Starting around the time of the World Cup the persona I had created began to crumble. The 10 weeks of qualifiers were a catalyst to breaking the lie I had believed. Talking to cameras about how awesome I was began to feel like a lie. The pressure of failure and my insecurities that I had buried, slowly started to surface in the cracks of the anxiety of expectations. The Hayden I thought I killed with success, fame, and money began to come back. Out of nowhere anxiety, insecurities, and expectations began to eat me alive.
I never was able to fix this problem as the solution was always wrong.
First, I tried doubling down, becoming what I saw. Whether It was the much older creators on my org, or fellow rich and famous 17 year olds I became what everyone else was. The exhaustion of that front I presented led to those cracks growing bigger.
Second, I tried a change of pace. A drastic career change from Fortnite to Valorant. This was what worked in the past right? Achieving an impossible dream to be the cool person I wanted to always be! Spoiler alert… that failed (pretty miserably) and, obviously so, due to my improper motives I would constantly be burnt out, frustrated, or too nervous to even aim straight.
Finally, my sand castle had been swept into the ocean. I was alone. Those famous people, I thought I was friends with, slowly stopped messaging me. Girls became less attracted to me, and worst of all I was thousands of miles away from anyone that truly knew or cared about me. I used to believe everything I touched turned to gold and now I felt like everything I touched turned to a steamy pile of shit.
Now, enough with the pity party.
April of 2022
I decided to reunite with my long term friend, my brother, and the one person who could somehow help me. I arrived at Ceice’s doorstep with my fluffy dog, a truck I would sleep in, and a f&*ked up haircut. I planned to spend two weeks there, then drive back… long story short I stayed almost four months and when I left I was not the same.
This townhouse turned “Honorary Elevate Rehab Facility” changed my life forever. I still never know if Davis knows how many times he has saved me or if he just stupidly walks into the door every time I need him the most. Whether getting dropped before my first big tournament and him taking a risk on an up and comer or clutching up a game at the Worldcup when I was too nervous to remember anything I planned in the last three months; Davis is there grounding my brain to reality.
Repaired, reinvigorated, and re-focused I conquered all my fears. No longer I wake up knowing I peaked at 17, I wake up focused to one day beat that 17-year-old. My panic attacks were there but I learned coping mechanisms. Changes to my body, my brain, and my education became addicting. The game was no longer esports but becoming the best version of myself. Failure was no longer expected. Failure was a welcome ally in my pursuit. Friends no longer were viewed as ways to grow my brand but connections to grow my love. Without knowing it, I had accomplished so much. I still felt like a failure just because you guys were not there to spam my inbox, like my videos, or watch my streams.
My accomplishment of saving myself from rock bottom is my best performance that no one got to watch but me.
July 2023 (Now)
Becoming the best you is an awesome infinite goal but I needed passion.
Ceice and Elevate are returning, but not in the way it has ever been before. This is our passion, our way to give back, and most importantly my redemption. I have the chance to do it right this time and I promise I will never lose track of that. It won’t be the same as it was and that is okay, It has to be different.
I have to keep everything very vague, but for the last three years along with my growth to reality this has been my passion. It is almost ready to be shared and I am both nervously excited and excitedly nervous.
I ask everyone who can, to give me a chance.
&
For all those who have stayed, checked up on me, or still follow me, thank you. I hope to make you proud and if I don’t that is okay too. I am proud of myself.
Hayden “Elevate” Krueger
Authors Note
Thank you
Davis & Lauryn - Unexplainable in words
Beast Coast Teammates & Staff - Patience, Believing, and Effort
100 Thieves - Lessons, Comradery, and Support
Bdog - A true soul in a cut throat world
Jammyz - Motivation and Friendship
Justin - Unbalanced loyalty of love
verT - A unlikely friend and motivation for the good in me
Jinx - A kid who can laugh in the face of fkn satan
Jawgemo - Never taking life too serious, believing in yourself, and dedication
Tyti - Loyalty to the inner circle
Mason - Pretty cool dude!
Frizzle - Unselfishly charitable
Benjy - Never changing and that addicting laugh and smile
Ryan - Standing by your mission statement
Ragan - Teaching two dumb kids the works ;)
Fin - Being a man I want to be
Legad - always checking up on me
Jay - Asking me “how is life” (meant a lot to me)
Crab - Being an awesome frat, college, beer drinker
Will - Inspiring me to grow as a better leader, as your growing and becoming a better person
Roy - Listening to my existential thoughts
Tanaka - You will dm me something snarky if I don’t put you in here
Smallzy - Funny little hick accent that made me laugh
Syncer - Being awesome teammate and a better friend
Eli - Believing in me, and always wanting an adventure
Chase - Being “sooooo awesome”
And to my Beautiful Girlfriend Meredith who does not even have twitter.
Your gleaming smile, and infectious personality, forces me to not only look at the good in others, but believe in the good in me.
I know I have left people out, and I am sorry. Too many people have helped me on this path. I can not make everyone happy and that's okay.
English
@manny2n @FNCompetitive @xSUND0WN bro you deadass sound fucking stupid please never reply to one of my tweets again and keep making your dogshit fortnite montages in creative while u sit there and tweet about bladee and try to have an aesthetic on twitter. you will never have one authentic love connection
English
@xasma1337 u beefed with ky & thiief in west cord or something n then we started talking about nohat
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