queen of tarts

@soosooshos THE WICKER MAN

@trepverter Sounds like a perfect night. What movie? Lol

My belly is full, I'm snuggled on the couch, I have people who love me and whom I love, I'm watching a really bad Nic Cage movie; I feel safe. Happy New Year.

sometimes when the sadness fog lifts for just a second, i remember that i used to be a really fun, cool, interesting person.

today would have been my parents' 50th anniversary. i miss you, mom.

still LOL @ myself for the time i encountered a sickly sea lion on the beach & my first instinct was to pet it. it barked at me & my companion pulled me away. to this day i feel the disappointment of not being able to pet a sea lion but yeah, i do have all my fingers so...yay?

New Dexter guy looks more like Eric Stoltz but he's nailed Michael C Hall's mannerisms perfectly so it's a success to me. E1 is a fun, nostalgia fueled romp.

Merry Christmas to me; I just hit the PINE BARRENS episode on a SOPRANOS rewatch.

Commercials need to stop pushing the sexy Santa narrative.

My cousins have been so kind to me these past few months but I can't get it together to see them in Irvine for Christmas Eve.

@_celia_bedelia_ i choose the bear over a TERF

Nope. Nope. Nope. You seem like the kind of fucking obsessed weirdo who’d check out my crotch if I didn’t look exactly how you wanted me to look.

taco bell, please be FR, nobody is going to you for chicken nuggies so just bring back the 7 layer burrito & nobody gets hurt.

@billieanania @falseroxy OMG toast of new york was my go to as a high school sophomore! also, some cheapo 99 cent brand (jordana).

@falseroxy i have like four sticks of my regular color (toast of new york) at all times “just in case”

it's not good how much lipstick i have. like, why do i have all this lipstick

@jbarsky maybe you need a key-filte fish?

@trepverter I would, but I can't get the lox off!!

Tomorrow is my birthday. Please feel free to send lox and bagels. Thank you.

Happy birthday, mom. I love you & miss you so much. 💔

hey @nytimes i'm 1000000% more likely to click on a link that includes a thumbnail of luigi; are you fucking mental?

Let's hope he's not MARKED FOR DEATH.

Tonight, Steven Seagal is ABOVE THE LAW. Who knows what tomorrow may bring: will he be OUT FOR JUSTICE?

I don't understand why delis give me only 3 microns of lettuce & tomato in a sub; let me pretend it's a salad slammed on a loaf of bread, ok?

be honest, how many of you are rubbing one out to luigi this week?