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@selfhealingpage Yes

YOU'RE ENDING MAY WITH A BIG WIN. YOU'RE ENDING MAY WITH A BIG WIN. YOU'RE ENDING MAY WITH A BIG WIN. YOU'RE ENDING MAY WITH A BIG WIN. YOU'RE ENDING MAY WITH A BIG WIN. AFFIRM "YES"

YOU HAVE TO STAY AWAKE FOR AS MUCH OF THE NIGHTIME AS YOU CAN TO CATCH THE STARS IF THEY START LAUGHINTG AT YOU

I’m on top. I take off my bra. 5 pieces of popcorn fall out. We eat 4 and fall asleep. In the morning we find the 5th and you smile and say “im going to hold on to this.” When you’re in the bathroom, I eat it.

I don’t care if there’s hair, skin, or spittle in my food as long as it’s from an attractive person.

I am being strangled by a possibility

Teacher: Ok class today we’re removing our names : How strange… I feel so free

Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do for the poor guy.

spilled an entire can of sprite into my sleeping grandmother's ear

there's an elephant in the room but the door is normal size.... ah, so he's been in here since he was a baby? oh okay so thats why nobody talks about it. right right makes sense. thanks. i'm sure you get that question a lot lol

if you're so smart why aren't you having fun

I met my wife on MyChart

when you right click copy and paste something does it ever feel like your mouse is pregnant with information. or is that just me

Just stopped this seagull from taking my plantain chips and he gon walk away and start cackling. Baby it’s you that’s the joke!

Breakfast: Humble pie Lunch: My words Dinner: Crow

@aboutlove224556 I was inches from her. No problems.

Banks are always like “We are the future of banking! Anyway what was your mother’s name… when she was a MAIDEN?”

3 second long cutaway gag on 30 rock depicting liz, frank, twofer and josh as children

If Nixon was born like 30 years later he'd make music like this

Jennifer Lawrence reveals to Las Culturistas she’s producing a Miss Piggy movie with Emma Stone. Cole Escola is writing the script.