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Post irritation clarity just hit And I am probably the worst person on earth

e quando eu estiver no cinema e dois trapezistas morrerem tragicamente deixando o filho órfão

If you die in pickleball do you die in real life

counting or not counting benches warmed

happy age gap april to the ones who are the blueprint of age gap romance!

gretzky was playing hockey back when it was bullshit on ice why would i care

We’re going to get a season of Grey’s Anatomy without Owen Hunt. I have prayed for this day since 2008.

ME: Can I buy you a drink? HER: I have a boyfriend. ME: {counting coins on the table} He can only get something small then.

full naming robinavitch right now bc robby is a nickname and nicknames are for friends and michael robinavitch is no friend of mine

I hate you blue light I hate you infinite scroll I hate you ai customer support I hate you onedrive I hate you no usb port I hate you two factor authentication I hate you accept all cookies I hate you autoplay I hate you subscription I hate you buy more storage I hate you

i chose to read my novel instead of watching TikTok even though i was soooo tired. so i’m assuming when i die i’ll be going to some sort of Heaven Deluxe

(speed dating at the aquarium) Him: look at these fuckass penguins lol Me: next Next guy: what's up with the penguins today Me: ok next Next guy: (large scar on face) no time to explain. I am you from a future where Earth got ravaged by carnivorous penguins and Me: ugh next

oh look at me i’m robert pattinson i’m the hottest man alive i’m engaged to suki waterhouse i play batman and i’m in a movie with zendaya man FUCK YOU

blah blah blah, proper name, place name, backstory stuff…

I do not look like any celebrities. I do not look like anybody that's ever lived. My parents found me in a field

wanna play? 🎾