THE ANSWER IS NO

Can the Federal Minister responsible for Seniors and Shameless East-Coast Photo-Ops expect us to go a little easier on him after he gave our foolish little account a plug while dressing-down that juicearse Poilievre?

Are there many obscure motorized machines left that some needledick Newfoundlander hasn’t been nailed for being obliterated on?

Will it be long before NTV descends on Dildo angling to secure some hot takes on Jimmy Kimmel’s forced exit from the airwaves—no doubt sparking a pointless petition to get their ‘Honorary Mayor’ back on, in hopes he might just mention the town’s name again?

Does the top-five provincial election issues list for Bell Island residents include anything besides: more ferries, more ferry sailings, more ferry services, more ferry staff and—once again—more ferries?

Would it take anything more than Mary Brown’s pledging to donate five cents from every ‘family feast’ to the fictitious ‘Human Fund’ to send all-hands into another full-on feeding frenzy—clogging every drive-thru, artery, and social-media channel along the way?

Do Newfoundlanders have any attention-span to waste on the amateur-hour municipal popularity contest undercard—now that the main event’s been announced?

Is there any photo that better captures the chaotic scene when a born-and-bred Newfoundlander admits they can’t be bothered with pea soup, battered cod, or a succulent feed of fatty salt meat?

Will anything top Newfoundland ratings for the upcoming episode of the ‘Amazing Race’ around Gander’s many aviation disaster-related memorials—unless NTV drops a full, uncut feed of the FFAW losin their fuckin shit at the French fellas offloading sea cucumber in Grand Bank?

Is there any point in Jim ‘Father Time’ Dinn stopping his unfulfillable election promises at a tuition roll-back and $22 minimum wage—when he could just as easily toss free studded tires, Costco renewals, and fall snowblower tune ups into the mix?

Is the stretch around LeMarchant, St. Clare, and Rickett’s Road anywhere near as safe—or as scenic—as it looked in this aerial shot from the fuckin sixties?

Did that so-called ‘Corpse Bride’ marriage at ‘Mom’s Little White Chapel’ in Mobile spark a stampede for more weird-ass weddings—like the crowd up the shore was hoping for?

Is any wonder why construction ON Pitt’s Memorial has been going on longer than the whining over tuition costs AT Memorial?

Are ‘tossing them quietly in a black bag destined for the dump’ or ‘straight into the nearby woods’ included as viable alternatives—despite their long, storied use here?

Do any of the party leaders gunning for Premier give a single solitary shit about the toothless demands coming from MUN’s student union—especially the whole, ‘freeze our tuition, fix everything, and don’t forget more student aid for foreigners’ foolishness?

Will we wait long before a new, never-ending play is being staged to showcase how great Gander and the staff at Sinbads Hotel were for taking in all the Amazing Race Canada staffers?

Has any roadway in Newfoundland received more unnecessarily expensive and annoying road work than that fuckin Pitts Memorial Drive—outside of the annual ‘let’s keep our party-donating contractors happy’ repaving work on the Outer Ring?

Do the so-called ‘sales’ being served up in the Bidgood’s flyer get the same sort of going over as their daily Facebook posts on the people casually robbing them?

Can any sensible person figure how the fuck permanent Placentia mayoral candidate Bernie ‘Pretty Shady’ Power walked with an ‘absolute discharge’ after being convicted of stealing shit from Costco—this after the lucky bastard previously skated on a drunk driving charge?

Has there been any update on the supposedly dangerous. tarps-off ginger who’s ‘still on the lam’?

Do Newfoundlanders give a single casual shit about Carney’s vague-as-fuck $80 million tariff relief funding for businesses finding new markets—or any funding being announced for ‘Atlantic Canada’, not ‘Newfoundland’, and only Newfoundland?

Will the Province of Newfoundland succeed in implementing ‘A new standardized hospital referral expansion will help streamline the process for patients waiting for joint replacements and cataract surgeries’, that the local media just takes their word on?