Uncle Deadly

A good maniacal laugh takes years of practice to perfect. I've been working on mine since 1976!

I find the day after #ValentinesDay delightfully eerie. The pink and red decor and wardrobe returns to storage, limericks lose their charm, and little heart-shaped chocolates are 80% off.

Your flattery is seen and most appreciated, however I would recommend you ask @MissPiggy for further fashion advice. Be warned: it's a fine line between chic and stylish and glamorous and gaudy. And we all know on which side of the line she falls! twitter.com/spatterson2020…

Just put one letter in front of the other. It worked for Shakespeare, why wouldn't it work for you? twitter.com/matthewsoberma…

Greetings and salutations, my beloved coterie of followers. As we embark further into this new year, I am here to help you hold tight to your New Year's Resolutions. Do tell me yours and I shall endeavor to assist in your keeping of them!

Ahh, #Halloween, my very favorite day. I've had a positively splendid day treating my coworkers to some tricks. As I always say: Why settle for trick OR treat when you can have both? Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!

If you intend to show up to any function fashionably late, it's important that you arrive FASHIONABLY. Those you've kept waiting are certain to forgive you if you look like a million bucks.

Indeed, it is invigorating to once again be busting out the parkas, overcoats, and flannel – but beware the allure of Autumn outerwear! You don't want to be caught wearing cashmere in May. Trust me... I've been burned before.

Some say you are what you eat – I say you are what you WEAR. Therefore, yours truly would be chic, modern, and a real bargain!

In the world of fashion, you're only as stylish as your last outfit. Hence why I always include at least one piece crafted from cashmere on my person – cashmere never goes out of style.

I'm no method actor, but I do have several friends who are. While I respect their craft, it's nearly impossible to get brunch together since most of them are playing characters who lived in a time before meals were combined into one.

Some people are satisfied to simply have a walk-in closet, but not @MissPiggy... her contract demands nothing short of a drive-thru closet.

I once considered developing a line of outwear that had real flames light up the sleeves. The tagline? "Where there's smoke, there's FASHION!" The safety regulations? Immediate no.

Although tomorrow is the first day of May, allow me humbly remind you that Summer does not officially commence until June 21st. Yes, sadly that means all fashion-forward thinkers should keep their flip-flops and board shorts put away for now... or forever.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade – or, if you're a thespian, use the lemons to give yourself an authentically sour disposition! Works wonders for @MissPiggy.

All the world's a stage, and all the world's people are your audience! A performer must always be ready to put on a showstopper – hence why I always wear tap shoes. Annoying most of the time, breathtaking on some rare occasions.