jesse ❄️

Imagine feeding a brontosaurus from a huge bag of crisps, it withdraws its head from the bag and really slowly arcs and extends its 20ft long neck up into the sky, you hear a gentle crunch from so far above you for a minute or so and then its head slowly starts descending again

Y’all mind if an ogre speaks a little español tonight?

They could never make me hate you avatar Korra

It has been a privilege and an honor to giggle on the phone with you

*Smacks your ass Your Tail lights out

headed out for a walk if you need any rocks or bugs

Walking up with the vape stuck to my back like a barnacle on a ship

That guy has a logic fetish. He can't stop coming to conclusions.

bro every time we touch i get this feeling

You would not believe your eyes If ten million Frankensteins Came back to life and they freaked you out

Cómo me veo después de decir que no tengo sueño

Ok *kisses the bridge of your nose because i love you and i like the way it is shaped*

heyyy u drifted down an have not been moving . can i try

“wait a second… Heat rises” (it hits me) “heat rises!” Bank teller on floor: what? “Heat rises!” (I rush at the armed robber and he shoots me in the face killing me instantly. It’s unclear what my plan was)

*gingerly lays down on your timeline with a big heaving sigh*

mmmm whole wheel of cheese 🤤

the oracle has begun charging a subscription fee for prophecy. i asked what happens if i cancel and she said "you still get the future, just with ads" and now every vision i have is interrupted by a jester trying to sell me a mattress

Jake's Reminder...

big truck speeding towards me. wat dat mean.

is anyone hiring for a castle guard position? im really good at walking a specific route for hours at a time and i like to go “is someone there?!…must have been the wind…” whenever i hear a suspicious noise