Graeme

I am the Director of Professional Signal Intelligence at LinkedIn. Every time you log in, we search your computer. Not metaphorically. We run code that scans your installed software. Every browser extension. Every application. We catalog it. We transmit it to our servers. We share it with a third-party cybersecurity firm you've never heard of. The tracking pixel is zero pixels wide. We hid it off-screen. You never consented. We never asked. Our privacy policy doesn't mention it. That's networking. We call the program Project Handshake internally. The Slack channel is handshake-telem. In 2024 we scanned for 461 products. By February this year we scan for over 6,000. I don't know what all of them are. Nobody does. Someone on my team added categories for browser extensions that identify practicing Muslims. Someone added extensions for neurodivergent users. Someone added 509 job search tools. That last one is my favorite. We can tell which of our one billion users are secretly looking for new jobs. On the platform where their current boss checks their profile. That's networking. We scan for 200 products that compete with LinkedIn's sales tools. Apollo. Lusha. ZoomInfo. We know each user's real name, employer, and job title. We mapped exactly which companies use which competitor products. We extracted their customer lists from their users' browsers. Without anyone knowing. Then we sent legal threats to the users we caught. The EU told us to open our platform to third-party tools. We published two restricted APIs. They handle 0.07 calls per second. Our internal API, Voyager, handles 163,000 calls per second. In Microsoft's 249-page compliance report, the word "Voyager" appears zero times. That's networking. I presented our Software Disclosure Rate metrics at a leadership summit last quarter. The conference room is called The Fishbowl. Glass walls. Appropriate. There's a plaque on the wall. Q3 Competitive Landscape Award. I won it for the extension scanning initiative. Someone asked if users had a way to opt out. I said they can close their browser. The room laughed. I wasn't sure why. I browse LinkedIn on a Chromebook with no extensions. Most of the team does. The platform that helps you get hired searches your computer every time you visit. We know your name. We know your employer. We know your religion. Your disabilities. Your politics. Whether you're looking to leave. That's networking. The system works exactly as designed. I designed it.

@Johntheone Derpy Von Derpmaster

@w_ilsoo Derpy Mcderpface

@Johntheone Derp

@Johntheone I blame the media pushing for it... (yesterday paper while we became the worst hit country in Europe)

Question yourself if you think the governments handing of this situ where we have no passed 30k deaths, whether it’s really a good idea, at this governments advice, to start moving to opening up the country again.

@Johntheone Chilli Sauvignon 👌

How’s your quarantine going? Oh it’s fine, I’m just enjoying this sauvignon blanc at 7am.

@piersmorgan Great news. Happy Easter SUPPORT THIS LITTLE HERO. twitter.com/NHStaxfreepay/…

@Johntheone I agree with GC and TC but Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys to Inglorious Bastards... 🤔

Brad Pitt and George Clooney too. I’m sure they’re happy chaps too.

Tom cruise has no range.

@Johntheone @mattandkim I did not know it was your bday.. happy bday!!! #youkeptthatquiet

It’s my birthday and I’m quarantined. @mattandkim to the rescue. Their essence, image and energy is addictive and instils joy, comparison, empathy and inspiration. I owe them a lot. 🥰

Everyone please spread this about as it needs to be seen.

@lastminute_com in response to DM (attached): I decline your voucher as I wish to request a full monetary refund paid back into credit card. You're #breakingthelaw under the #ConsumerRightsAct if you don't refund cancelled flights @BBCWatchdog @DailyMirror @MailOnline @UK_CAA

@lastminute_com Due to the cancellation of my flights I have declined your offer of a voucher and requested a full refund paid into the credit card account that purchased the flights. Do I need to contact the @UK_CAA to assist me on this?

Hi @lastminute_com , you haven't replied to my dm/tweets since Friday. I know you are probably really busy at the moment but I would appreciate atleast acknowledging my messages.

@lastminute_com @cikki100 To confirm.. I do not want a voucher, I want the money returned to the card that booked the flights.

@cikki100 Thank you for your message. Could you please reply to our private message with more details and confirming your Bravofly ID. Kind regards,

@lastminute_com @cikki100 Can you check my dm regarding the same issue, please.

@lastminute_com Hi can you check my dm, please. Thank you :)

@lastminute_com hi can you check my dm, please. Thank you :)

BREAKING: After a week of dangerous dithering, Prime Minister @BorisJohnson finally orders pubs, bars, cafes & restaurants, nightclubs, theatres, cinemas, gyms to close, TONIGHT.

@RevolutApp Dark theme!

We’re getting a new look! See what’s changing with our logo and more, on the blog: blog.revolut.com/were-getting-a…

@lastminute_com hi, my flights have just been cancelled for my trip next month. I've been told I will be recieving a voucher. I would prefer the money placed back into my account. Is this possible with a voucher? I bought flexi cover

@Johntheone Erm....

If you don’t like SNL, you can’t be my friend. 🙂