Hamburglar of Hearts

Excited to announce Transylvaniacs, a podcast exploration of every Dracula movie ever made, hosted by me and my friend (and editor for The Hard Times) Colleen. The first episode is out now! open.spotify.com/episode/1gYji5…

We do not let keyboard players really fucking cook the way they did on 70s hard rock and metal albums anymore and I think this is a mistake.

Considered bailing out on most of my social media presences following my birthday because I am fundamentally Bilbo Baggins-coded.

Stache supremacy continues on

Happy Texas Chain Saw Massacre Day!

Gandalf sending Elrond another message about what Pippin did now:

babe is everything ok? aragorn just kicked the uruk-hai helmet and you didn't even look over to tell me viggo really broke his toes filming that scene

Time to share my juicy Reginald VelJohnson gossip: he built a fancy doghouse in his backyard for his pugs that's a smaller replica of his regular house.

Had a Hinge date cancel on me last minute and made the impromptu decision to drive into the suburbs to see a Talking Heads cover hand instead and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

@BroniGarzelloni All of the men’s equivalents for this are called like “Dr. Professor Sasquatch’s Down Under Wipes” and I need it to end immediately

I hate when products geared towards intimate care have names like COOCHY CUNTROLLER or KITTY WASH, mama this is a VAGINA

babe i'm going to the 13 Ghosts McDonalds do u want anything

I’ll tell you one boat Dracula wouldn’t fuck with

Bonus Cartoon:

Me desperately trying to keep the conversation going on a date:

😌

Need this so bad

My birthday means I can force my friends to watch my favorite movie with me

📼VHS (feat. @electric6)📼 Available NOW ⚡lnk.to/AvailableOnVHS⚡