Will Julian

Sometimes when I text someone, I see that it’s been “delivered quietly” and I have the option to “notify anyway.” I think that’s too much power to give a man.

I enjoy underdressing during the winter time, feeling cold, then calling my mom and saying, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I’ve come to accept that I’ll never whether it’s worth having a printer at home.

There’s an epidemic of people who speak just a hint too loud.

I tried to change the password for my checking account and it said it was too long. Basically my bank is like, "We see how much money you have...no need to get carried away here."

Does checking screen time on my phone count towards screen time? I feel like it shouldn't. Apple should just be like, "We see you're trying. This is on us."

I’m on track to go my whole life not knowing what an inseam is.

I like to use 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner and then also use regular conditioner after that just to be safe.

I like sending an email, and then right after I hit send, texting the person, “Hey, you see my email?”

The best way to really make sure you have all the necessary food items in your house is to do a food shop. Then when you get home, you’ll know what you forgot.

The key to getting good traction on YouTube is titling your video something like, “I Don’t Have Much Time To Live” and then when you click on the video, it’s a review of a new facial cleanser.

Trying to go my whole life without learning what an inseam is.

I feel like Rube Goldberg would be proud of the Final Destination franchise.

I wouldn’t say I’m addicted to my phone but rather it’s a way of life.

Can’t folks just have an affair in the privacy of their own arena show?

I really like having bungee cords readily available. They’re very useful. I’ve yet to use them, but still, nice having them around.

My specialty with the Spelling Bee game on @nytimes is really short and really simple words.

Today’s NYC weather forecast is hot with 100% chance of showers from AC’s above your head.

Hot day today in NYC. Remember to always hydrate with coffee only.

Debating whether to have a kid or just spend the rest of my days tracking my Amazon packages.