fake person america

let's all have a moment of silence for deaf mutes.

hey guys

@willtotweet I just thought about a horse driving a car

lol guys

It's a wonderful day for taking two Benadryl.

Math is easy for people with a calculator. I have two.

I'm at a loss for words, which is weird because I composed this tweet.

This isn't my first rodeo. Okay, it is. But it won't be my last.

I'm working on a screenplay, tentatively titled - emoji: tears from the internet

I might go on a rampage. Nothing too serious, but I can't find my plastic utensils.

Let's get to the point, @anneheche what's your favorite letter? Mine's "of recommendation" - would you provide a reference on a job app? Thx

Most people don't get me - but that's fine, @anneheche isnt most people.

I've always wanted to ride in the back of a helicopter. So far I just run around the house mumbling "Whoosh" while spinning in circles.

"When life gets you down..." I wish I knew the rest of the quote, Tuesday's are the worst.

Hey @anneheche

I was in a band once called Bouncy Kitchen.

I don't dislike emoticons.

File this under things to never say to a horse, "Break a leg." 🐎🔫

if they make a 23 jump street I will be steamed, frankly

Why are there no pantomime rappers?