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“i wonder if the reason the leasing office hates us so much is because we have a giant pentagram hanging in the window”

x.com/wiitchbonez?s=… hi.

this little crackhead would happily take out someone’s entire bloodline if they even looked at me wrong. he’s a good boy

She is only 22. Married, 3 kids and bakes her husband cinnamon rolls to surprise him. She is living the life every girl thought they would be living at that age when we were kids.

why did my mom just say “oh kate’s in the hospital” in casual conversation like i was gonna magically know she was talking about the fuckin english princess. we don’t know these people mother. we are not on a first name basis with them

@goddammitlaney i was picking nick up from work one day and a tumbleweed rolled through the parking lot and i just texted him “things have gotten dangerous out here hurry up” lol

@dnbussy apparently they’re insane and will rip your car to shreds?? glad it’s wet in alabama i guess

girl this is crazy i thought tumbleweeds were mostly a joke

hi

his hand is holding a cigarette that isn’t there out of muscle memory

Apple is INSANE for this

flared leggings are just rebranded yoga pants

he’s been through it

luca

This looks so wholesome then we got Ned’s declassified talking about how they were fucking each other 🤣

Merry Christmas you dehydrated Bitch! Drink some water.

somebody put this dog in a stephen king movie twitter.com/rahsh33m/statu…

it’s my one year anniversary. i’m eating goldfish in the bathtub waiting for my husband to wake up and take me to tj maxx. this is my best life. i made it.

this provides me serotonin and them fucking it up steals my serotonin

how do i teach my dogs they’re not allowed on the bed only after i make it in the morning lmao like jumping on the bed while it’s messy is fine but stay away from my pillow arrangement

“that’s a pretty dog. mean looking though” “don’t look him in the eye”

called my husband at work to tell him luca went potty on the pad even though he’s drugged to fuck and back in preparation for his vet appointment in the morning and he goes “…was this an emergency?” yes. yes it was. now tell him he’s a good boy